Tuesday, December 30, 2008

My genius, let me share it...

Hot baths are one of my most favorite things in the world. I take at least 2 a day on an average day, but it can creep up from there if the day is bad or if I'm feeling cold or fussy. I don't do bubble baths though. I don't really understand the point of them. They just keep foaming and that bath starts overflowing with bubbles before you ever get enough hot water to relax in. Not for me. Just hand me a good book or magazine, throw in a couple drops of some lavender essential oils, and I am golden. Yeah, I know. I'm such a girl.

The reason I tell you this is because I had a moment of enlightenment. Of all the baths I've taken in all the years of my life, this idea has never once come to me. While I was letting the water heat up, I ran into the kitchen to get a glass of water. This is when I realized how hungry I was and saw the box of Rice Squares (generic Rice Chex). Ooooh, a bowl of cereal sounds super yummy. But wait, I don't have time to eat a bowl of cereal. By the time I'm finished, the bath water will be all room temp and that's not even what bath time is about. LIGHTBULB!!! What if I eat the bowl of cereal while I'm IN the tub???

Oh yeah. I totally ate my rice squares in the tub. Best. Bath. Ever.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Profound lyrics of the day...

From “Move Around” by B.G. featuring Mannie Fresh (edited version please)

“I’m from the ghetto homey
I was raised on bread and bologna.”

Word.

Gumbo...

So we’ve kind of got a lot to cover. This whole no internet thing at home thing is getting old really fast. How am I supposed to share my random thoughts at the very moment they strike if I do not have immediate access to you? It’s a shame, I know.

Anyway, I’m going to number so that I stay on track. Actually, I think I’ll bullet. I say it’s to stay on track, but really it’s because I love to use bullets. Oh dang. I’m typing this on Word to post later, and I’m pretty sure Microsoft bullets do not translate to blogging codes or formats or whatever. Boo on that. So back to numbers we will go… (This entire paragraph is a perfect preview to the randomness that is to follow)

1. Did you guys see the Biggest Loser Finale like 100 weeks ago? Yeah, it was awesome, and my girl Michelle won. It never ceases to amaze me how incredibly different these people look after they lose all this weight. Completely unrecognizable. Makes me wonder what I would look like by losing 50% of my body weight. Probably a little scary and skeletal, but still…I wouldn’t mind punching out my old “before” pic and walking out. That’d be fun. And for those of you who saw it, did you notice how every one of those girls just about broke their necks trying to walk in their high heels? That was sad to me. They were so heavy before that they probably couldn’t walk in heels. If this is the case, theen 4 inch stilettos is probably not the best place to start, but hey, I admire that sort of confidence. That alone is a pretty amazing accomplishment.

2. Speaking of Biggest Loser, what the heck is up with fast food drive thrus NEVER getting your order right??? Like ever. Cheeseburger, fries, coke. I don’t understand how this is hard. And although I’ve never heard an order from the receiving end of a fast food order speaker, I am confident that LARGE and MEDIUM do not sound alike. Also, I don’t fully understand how no tomatoes translates to no cheese. As much as I try, I cannot work this out in my head.

3. I think “reputable” is the most awesome word. Say it out loud. It’s fun huh? Now say “inevitable.” Awesome right? Now say “table.” Isn’t it interesting how that one is not fun at all? Poor table. No fun without the other letters.

4. What is it about my head that is so appealing to Pomeranians at 6:00 in the morning? I am at a loss.

5. My downstairs neighbor’s got surround sound. The best part? They like to wait until 10 pm to use it. Nothing better than a shaking floor to help you relax. I’m not quite sure what proper apartment etiquette is in a situation like this. I figured the grown up thing to do would be to go downstairs, knock on their door, and ask them politely to turn it down a notch or two. Yeah, whatever. I’m totally in my pajamas and not even about to walk down a flight of stairs in 40 degree weather to tell someone they’re bothering me. So instead, I politely stomped on the floor a little. Nothing dramatic, but just enough to make them wonder “is she walking loud or is she telling us to shush?” Guess what? They turned it down.

Fan-flipping-tastic!!!

My rule is never pay full price for anything. I am a champ when it comes to bargain hunting, and it thrills me so completely when I find a great deal. I LOVE to read, but because of this full price rule, I very rarely am able to buy books because it seems ridiculous to me to pay $14 for a book I will most likely only read once. Plus what if it’s stupid? Then I’m out time and money, and that’s just not worth it to me.

There is a discount bookstore near my apartment that I’ve been to a few times and gotten really, really great deals on books. Problem is, it’s only open for a few months, and then they close and move it to another location. The selection is also very random so you have to really look around to find something that interests you. I went in a couple days ago and saw that they were closing Dec 28 so everything was marked down. $4 hardbacks and $2 paperbacks. SWEEET! Walked out with 3 new books.

Today was their final day, and I went over there with my mom so she could look for some curriculum book. Every single book in the store was a DOLLAR!!!! ONE DOLLAR!!! You guys, I think I blacked out for a second. Yes, I am that nerd who gets that excited about books. I bought 8 of them. I just couldn’t quit. Every time I thought I had enough, I’d see one more. Doesn’t matter though because I only spent $8.66. Yeah baby!

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Profound lyrics of the day...

From the hit song "Control Myself" by LL Cool J feat. J. Lo en espanol. (That's right...Big L'y has gone international)

"She said her name Shayeeda
I could tell her mama feed her"

You're an ocean, L.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

My new favorite word...

Swagger.


My new least favorite word?

Leakage.

Monday, December 8, 2008

For the birds...

In case I’ve never mentioned it, I LOVE animals. Prefer them to most people actually. I’ve never been able to pick a “favorite” animal, but because I had a pet cockatiel for 16 years, I tend to gravitate more towards birds. I’ve been made fun of MANY times because, when out and about, I will stop to take pictures of birds. Not because they’re doing anything particularly birdy, but because hey, here’s one that’s sleeping while standing on one foot. How cute is that? Yeah, I’m obsessed.

In Texas, they have the Grackles. These have to be the most awesome birds I’ve ever seen. They are completely scraggly and look like they do nothing but fly around and street fight (air fight?) other Grackles. And they travel in HUGE flocks. Apparently, the grocery store across the street from my apartment is their Mecca, because honestly, there are THOUSANDS. That is not an exaggeration. It’s a sight to see. Every evening, they fill the trees and sit on the roof and in the grassy areas around the store. It’s so crazy. And they’re so loud. They’re all squawking and chirping and shrieking. When the males get all irritated or matey or happy or whatever, they flip out and fluff their feathers all out and make this crazy chirpy noise:

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I am so fascinated. A friend of mine’s husband works at that grocery and said they will sit outside the automatic doors at the store. When someone comes out, the bird flies in to the bakery and pecks open the bread bags for food. It flies back, sits on the big white security alarm tower next to the door, and waits for someone to open it. Then it flies back out with dinner. How flipping awesome is that???

So anyway, I had to run an errand for work today, and as I was passing one intersection, I noticed a Grackle sitting right in the middle of the lane. I thought it was weird to see one sitting like that (because they totally stalk. For real.) I looked in the rearview mirror and saw it kind of topple over then sit itself back up. OMG! There is NO WAY I can just drive away. It can’t move, and it’s going to get hit by a car. That’s just too horrible to think about. Luckily, the intersection is very low traffic at this time of day, plus there is a shopping center right on the corner so it was easy to turn around. I was praying so hard, Please God, keep the cars away. Miraculously, there was not a single car at the light so I was able to pull right up behind the poor little thing. I was sort of afraid of it because I’d seen these bad boys in action. They will totally cut you. She fell over a couple more times while I was walking up to her (it was a girl. I Googled it.) and completely broke my heart. I cupped my hands under her really slow, and she let me scoop her right up. I couldn’t tell where she was hurt, but once she was in my hands she wrapped her little claws around my fingers. You guys? I was thisclose to ending up with a pet Grackle . (Remember that episode of Friends where the monkey grabs Ross’s finger and New York Minute starts playing? Yeah, that was me.) Schlotzsky’s was right there on the corner, and there was a sort of flat, clear area in the garden. I figured that’d be the safest place so I set her down, and she wouldn’t let go. OMG. I wanted to keep her. I talked to her for a minute, and she finally let go and settled down in the garden. Thank you God, for keeping all the cars away so I could save that little birdy.

Yes, it was sad because I know if she is really hurt, then it’s likely she won’t make it. But to know that at least, she’ll go safe in a garden instead of on a busy, scary highway makes me feel better. Normally, animal welfare just completely wrecks me. If I see a hurt or stray animal or even roadkill, I just can’t stop thinking about it, wishing I could do something to help, oftentimes, beating myself up about it because I feel like I should have done something, but didn’t. However, in this case, I know I did everything I could do, and I really felt a peace about it as I left. Sure, I would’ve loved to be able to save her completely, but that’s not what was meant to happen. I know many people might think“Oh my gosh Jenny, it’s a bird. Why the big deal?” I used to say the same thing. Why am I getting so destroyed over an animal? Wild, stray, domestic, whatever. I called my mom crying about some poor animal one day and was so upset by how upset I got. She said “Everyone was given a passion about certain things for a reason. God needs people on this Earth to take care of his animals and that’s what He gave you.” So I’m embracing it. Maybe it seems silly to some, but think about what you are truly passionate about. I mean the really deep down stuff that moves you. What if somebody said “Oh that? That’s nothing. Why do you care about that?” It’s not silly to you because that’s the passion you were given by the One who made you. We need that diversity. It doesn’t matter if it kids (my mom) or cheesecake (me). If it’s important to you, then it’s important. Period.

Do what you can with the moments you’re given. Even if it seems as simple as picking up a little bird off the street, it's what you were meant to do. To the world, it was just one bird. But to that little bird, it was the world.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Too sexy for my shirt...

It’s that time of year again. Yep, the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. Can I just say I LOVE it? Remember a few years ago, when the whole VS Angel thing came about, and it was all the rage and completely awesome?

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Yeah, that was the year I became hooked. I can’t remember exact time frame, but it was like the first or second show that they started televising or something like that. The one where Heidi was modeling like 30 seconds after she had a baby and her hubby Sea Lion was singing. Girlfriend comes out in an outfit that LIGHTS UP with GIANT wings and she blows a kiss to her man and then struts off down the runway, with no jiggle to be found.

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This defines badass you guys. You see, famous people? This is why you get stalkers. You cannot be completely awesome like that and expect the crazies to stay away. We cannot help it. She rocked it. Then there was one year where they were all dressed in santa-y outfits or something and my girl Alessandra comes out in all the pink and stuff. I pretended I was her for the rest of the year.

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(Not that this is important, but I think you should know I have that exact bra, and yes, that is exactly what I look like in it. Just like the picture. Just saying…)

And what about the year when JT was on there, and he was singing SexyBack and Giselle was all doing her little turn on the catwalk. She totally brought it back you guys.

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Anyway, I know a lot of people are all omg-how-can-you-watch-its-so-demeaning-to-women-and-so-slutty-and-omg-it-just-makes-me-feel-so-bad-about-myself-blah. My response? Get over yourself. They’re not naked or being all whorish down the runway. It’s fun and pretty and sparkly and not much different than girls walking around in bikinis. It makes me proud to be a girl. Every single one of us likes to dress up pretty and feel girly, and let me tell ya, if somebody wanted to do my hair and makeup all awesome and pay me a bazillion dollars to walk down a runway in my underwear, point me to the push up. Quit taking everything so serious.

As much as I love it, I have to admit this year was a little disappointing. It was just plain dull. They have all these new girls that act weird and honestly, several weren’t that pretty. One girl looked like a mad Clydesdale. Plus, their little outfits are getting more “fashiony” which just doesn’t work with me. Like one girl comes out in this beautiful pink set and a big, metallic (literally – a piece of metal) belt like thing around her waist. Um, ok? I guess scrapyard ladies need underwear too. Plus, some of the obvious freshman would walk out and do that whole “come on make some noise” things with their hands. Okay, now we all know that most of these models are like 13, but seriously, this is not a pep rally. And the runway didn’t go out into the crowd like it usually does with people sitting on each side. It was just a long stage that they walked back and forth on. Not fun. And they didn’t walk on sparkly diamond things that kicked up everywhere when they walked. Safe? Yes. Entertaining? No. Only highlight was Heidi rocking the sparkly red angel wings, but when you look close, they aren’t really wings. It’s a big, red Christmas bow. Okay, I’m going to need one of those in EVERY color.

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Oh, and Usher performed some ridiculously unsexy song. “Girl, I’m going to deliver you like a FedEx box.” What do you say to that? Um, thank you? Sorry, Ush. Even you’re not smooth enough to pull that line off. Oh and BEST part of the whole night…the commercials. There is one where a bunch of the girls are all running around through this English manor place and across the lawns in the gardens and whatever, wearing red bras and these crazy, big, red, tulle skirts . Then while they’re in the house, they’re all throwing this pink and red gift box to each other. Oh haha, you’re tossing me the gift now! Oh, hee hee, now I’m throwing to you from the balcony! Hooray! You caught it! (Also this is all in slow mo which is supposed to make it romantic or dramatic or something?) Okay so the hilarious part? I swear to you this gift box is the same one that Mother Nature gives that girl on vacation in the Tampax commercial. Marketing must be running low on funds this holiday season.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Motivated, I am not...

So I know you are all on the edge of your seats wondering how the GET MOTIVATED seminar went. I admit I’m a little curious myself.

What do you mean Jenny? Didn’t you go?

No. I did not. Wait, let me rephrase…Yes, I went , but no, I did not go to the seminar.

Here’s the recap:

Holly finally finished up her payroll/401k/HR stuff (in addition to every other project she could think of in an attempt to avoid motivation)(Ironically, just the idea of going to a motivating seminar will motivate you to get more work done. Just pointing out the irony.), and once in the car says “We need an ATM so I can get us cash for parking.” I say, “Ok, don’t let me forget.” I forgot. She let me. After a few miles, one of us says “ATM” and then we both say “Oh yeah!” Then we both forgot. Finally, at the last exit before you’re really on the way downtown, Holly comes through and says “Better find one now because there won’t be any downtown.” This is a fact I know to be true, so I exit. Turns out the only bank is on the other side of the interstate so we do a U-Turn and do a withdraw from the slooooowest ATM ever made. EVER. Plus, the sun is kicking off the screen blinding me, so after every button push I have to duck back inside the car so I could read what it says. Also, I did not pull up close enough so I had to do the “open the door and still lean through the window” maneuver to get close enough.

Back on the road, Holly is in charge of navigating. Conversation goes a little like this:

H: “Exit and turn left on 6th street. Hey, there’s the wagon.” (in reference to the police paddywagon parked)

J: “We should’ve brought a camera to document this. Let’s call TM and tell her SWAT was down here.” (TM is our crime scene OBSESSED co-worker who is also completely awesome.)

H: “Go 2 blocks and turn right on Red River.”

J: “Oh, that’s The Boiling Pot! That’s the place that….Wait, did you say go right?”

H: “Yes. Then you’re going to take a left on 5th.”

J: “Ok. Wait, this says 7th and we just came from 6th. That means 5th is the other way. It says right on Red River?”

H: “Yes, turn right on Red River. Oh wait, no, LEFT on Red River. I’m reading the wrong directions.”

Awesome. Getting lost is demotivating. Being lost with a completely hilarious friend? Completely motivating.

Now, because downtown is a series of one way streets, none of which I can figure out, we did some fancy maneuvering to try to get back to where we started so we could go left on Red River. We ended up on the street in front of the soup kitchen. On the corner, there is a sort of raised, parking lot area type thing so there is a waist-high cement ledge next to the sidewalk. There is this guy laying on the ground, shirtless, hanging over the ledge, spitting. That’s a little demotivating. I’m waiting for the light to change, and Holly says, “He’s making spit art.” Um, WHAT? “Yeah, he’s making pictures on the ground with his spit. I saw him spit and then look at it. And then spit again.” I think you all will agree when I say that’s a LOT demotivating. GROSS!!!!

On the way down one particular street, there’s a news lady out on the corner standing in front of her camera. And Holly yells, “THAT’S QUITA CULPEPPER!!!” and goes off on this whole mock teenager #1 Quita fan shrieking fit about how fabulous Quita is and oh my gosh Quita, we love you! You guys? Funniest. Thing. Ever. I am still laughing about it today. It’s a shame we didn’t realize who it was sooner because I totally would’ve stopped so we could mob her. (Holly also pointed out later that poor Quita did not even have a camera man. That must’ve been demotivating for Quita.)

Finally, we make it left on Red River and get to the 5th Street Parking Garage (which is convention center parking for the seminar). Lot Full. This was expected considering how late in the day it was, but still. There was a second garage a few streets down and over so we tried that one. We had to pass the Four Seasons Hotel on the way. HUGE sign on PVC pipes being held up by 2 guys that says “SHAME ON FOUR SEASONS. Labor Dispute.” Okay, I understand workplace frustration. Believe me, I get that. But although I’ve never stayed in a Four Seasons, in my head, they leave chocolates on your pillow and fluffy robes in the bathroom, so as much as I understand your frustrations fellas, I cannot shame the Four Seasons. I’ll bet you will not find a toilet cleaning brush left on the floor of the bathroom nor will you find someone’s soaking wet boxer shorts behind the bathroom door (that’s a true story. I’ll tell you about it later.) at the Four Seasons. The front desk guy will not interpret a request for more towels as an invitation to text stalk you at 4 am. Sorry you guys are having rough times during this economic crisis, but I gotta tell ya, I’m with Four Seasons on this one.

We pull up to parking garage #2. Lot full. Okay, now what? No parking anywhere. I’m not even exaggerating that. None. There were bouncers outside of the private parking garages in black jackets with their arms all folded turning people away. One guy was strutting (and I think he had a curly mullet if I’m remembering correctly), totally drunk with the power of guarding the parking lot. All the while, you KNOW these are the bell boys and maintenance guys they sent out there to act as security.

We drove around for a bit just to see if we could find parking, and we end up in front of the convention center. There is a line of shuttles in front of the building. Parked. Not shuttling people from the shuttling locations as promised (we considered that option). Nope. Just parked. And when someone says “shuttle” I picture one of those airport short buses. No, these were BIG greyhound like shuttle buses. Which means they aren’t going anywhere until they are full. Which means if you choose to leave, you will have to wait for at least 80 other people to make the same decision. No, thank you. Meanwhile…cops EVERYWHERE. Apparently Suze Orman requires high security. Colin Powell can take care of himself, and honestly who is really going after the chick with the big, curly hair? Had to be Suze. As we’re checking out the scene, I totally ran a stop sign. Right in front of a cop car. And technically, I didn’t run it all the way. I stopped, but the thing was like 10 feet before the corner behind a bush and I never saw it so I stopped because it seemed like the logical thing to do. Luckily, the cop in the car was taking a nap or checking his myspace or something because he didn’t seem to mind that I rolled 1,000 feet past the sign over the crosswalk and everything. APD is top notch. Protect and serve.

So no parking for these demotivated girls. Only thing left to do is eat. As we head out of downtown, we pass the Quita corner. No more Quita. We agreed on the same restaurant (Amaya’s Mexican! WOO!) and as we’re pulling into the parking lot, I realized we were in the exact same shopping center where we stopped at the blinding ATM. And BONUS! There was parking at Capital Plaza so I got my yummy cheese enchiladas. And TM (crime scene investigator/accountant) met us there which is always fun. (For real, these girls are hilarious. You all need to meet them.)

So that’s the day for you. Keep an eye on the news because you may see me cruising by behind Quita.

(Oh, and P.S. - Popo is doing better!)

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Demotivation....

I have spent most of the morning giggling to myself. You know how sometimes stuff happens and the irony is so intense that you just can’t help but laugh? Welcome to my day.

First, I will tell you that back in September, there was a big, dramatic blowout at work. My co-worker friend and I got blindsided by some senior employees for our “talking to one another” and were told it was both “distracting” and “demotivating.” These were employees who have been here for over 10 years each. Senior employees who could do their job in their sleep, yet our “talking” was distracting. Some in our department (the boss) spends A LOT of time punching his boy toy (another employee) and wrestling and, I kid you not, BARKING. Like a dog. This is a true story. (And for those of you who have read previous blogs, yes, I’m aware I’ve barked also, but I did it to establish my alpha dog status as pack leader, and also I was not in a professional work environment so shush). So there is barking and wrestling and punching and yelling and laughing and dancing and FINGERNAIL CLIPPING, but my talking is “demotivating.” I’m sure.

Fast forward to yesterday…the boss brings me a piece of paper that says “GET MOTIVATED!” across the top, and says “use this to get in.” Um, what? “This is for that thing tomorrow that you asked to go to.” Um, what? “That thing. You don’t know about it?” Considering you are the one responsible for making sure I have the information I need, and you have not said a word, then no, I do not know a thing about it. Turns out they signed a bunch of us up for this GET MOTIVATED seminar that has all these big name speakers. Hey, I’m cool with that. These are people I would be interested to hear speak (Zig Ziglar, Suze Orman, Colin Powell…), but I don’t think a little heads up would be too much to ask for.

Anyway, Shelley (co-worker friend who was secretly signed up too) and I planned to meet at my place this morning and ride in together. This has me somewhat excited, because not only do I have fun with her, but we were also planning on stopping on the way for breakfast tacos. Potato, egg, and cheese please! I woke up to a text from her saying she wasn’t going to make it because her grandpa was in the hospital. That’s a little demotivating. (Please pray for her grandpa. He had surgery yesterday and had to go to the ER last night for blood pressure problems. Get better fast Popo!). No way am I driving downtown by myself to a seminar with thousands of people to sit by myself for who knows how long. No thank you. So I texted for backup. Another girl in my office (Holly) was going to the seminar late after finishing up some payroll stuff and did not want to have to drive down alone either. She was planning going with another co-worker, who now can’t go because her spouse’s grandmother died. Anybody else getting the vibe that this seminar is on the unlucky side? So So Holly and I are driving down there in a little bit which is great, but it also means I actually had to come into the office today after I was totally set on not doing, so slightly demotivating. But because I don’t have to be here all day, I will leave it in the motivating column.

And for the big, fat finale of demotivators for the morning...I have a cold. A Nyquil poster child kind of cold. I can’t stop sneezing and coughing, and I just want to lie in bed and be completely pitiful (Hill, I think this explains the whiny mood yesterday. I swear I’m a 5 year old). On the plus side, I will be with Holly who is completely laid back and sarcastic so I won’t have to be “on” all day with the screaming, cheering, motivated people. AND considering the plague I’m carrying, I managed to pull off a completely put together look together. Whaaaat??? Not only is hair and makeup done, but my socks actually match my shirt. You guys, I can never fully express to you how amazing and motivating this act alone is. My socks NEVER match my outfit. Getting them to match each other is a feat of its own, but to get them to match each other AND my outfit? Well, we’re on a whole new playing field now. Wow, how about that for a tangent huh? I started with Suze Orman and ended with matching socks. Not even Oprah could do that.

So anyway, in conclusion, I actually am looking forward to going to this thing even if I sound all complainy about it. I think it’ll be a good change of pace, and I’m sure I’ll get something out of it even if it’s not the way I planned it.

Also, I totally stopped for breakfast tacos on the way to the office. Some things are non-negotiable.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Tone deaf...

So do any of you out there have any idea how the author of "Some Are Born to Sweet Delight" used tone to reinforce the central idea of the story?

Also, if you could tell me what the central idea is, that'd be great too.

And one more thing, if you order a Quarter Pounder with no pickles, and the ticket stuck to the order has the words No Pickles printed on it, it does NOT mean there are no pickles on your burger. Do not be misled. I highly suggest you double check their work, otherwise you will not discover their inaccuracies until after you have taken a big bite of it. Trust me on this.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Things that affect me more than they should...

Taco Bell giving me a fork instead of a spork. It makes me crazy. I don't know why.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Dollars and sense...

As I’ve mentioned before, I’m not big into politics. I rarely watch the news and can’t usually talk current events with anyone. However, as you may have noticed, it’s somewhat hard to miss all the economy talk. It’s everywhere. Foreclosures! Bailout! Recession! Then there’s all the finger pointing and blame. The Bush admistration! Republicans! Democrats! Britney Spears! Sure I’ve noticed things have gotten more expensive lately (dude, I found a shirt for $24.99 at Ross yesterday. Ross! Uh, NO.) and my electric bill is slowly working its way up. But it wasn’t until today that I really put some brain power into the cause of it all. Today is when I realized what is was that has caused Wall Street to come crumbling down and the economy of this great country to fall into the pit of despair. I know who is responsible for this terrible burden.

Me.

The reason? I quit shopping.

As many of you know, I ruled Retail Therapy. There was not one who could out-shop or out-bargain-hunt me. There was a day when I walked through Old Navy and honestly had every single thing in the lady clothes section (only the cute stuff of course. Old Navy can get kind of blech.). Once upon a time, I may or may not have spent $300 in one day at Victoria’s Secret (shut up. It was the semi-annual sale. You girls KNOW how much stuff I got for that amount of money.)(Plus I returned most of it later). I wore the shopaholic title proudly. It was my outlet for stress and boredom, and, although it showed my complete lack of discipline, I loved it.

Then I quit. I don’t really remember when or why (I think maybe rent had something to do with it), but I just didn’t enjoy it anymore. I got tired of “stuff” and a closet full of clothes with nothing to wear and credit card bills with no end in sight. I started giving away anything that didn’t bring me joy to anyone I could think of who would want it. It was very freeing. However, once I started doing the math, I realized that the economy started crapping out right about the time I gave up the spending. Very interesting. Who would’ve guessed that my lack of discipline and complete boredom was supporting the entire economic system? WOW!

Now because I have matured into the responsible adult that I am (ha!), I feel it is my duty to right this dire situation I’ve put us all in. I have developed what I believe to be the solution to this economic breakdown, and I fully intend on presenting this theory to the economists or congress people or whoever it is that will understand my brilliance. Are you ready? I propose that another $700 billion (or million or thousand or whatever…I’m flexible) bailout be created and given to me, and I’ll take care of it from there. You guys, can you imagine the shopping I could do with that kind of money? The economy would boom! I promise it would all be spent on you though. Or at least most of it. I have no interest in spending that kind of money on myself (although I am getting a facial and a massage. Deal with it.). Instead of giving it to these greedy CEO broker types who are spending it on company retreats at the Ritz, that bailout would be all by the people, for the people, in sickness and health, with liberty and justice for all. What do you think? Can I count on your vote?

Monday, November 17, 2008

Not warm and definitely not fuzzy...

Cold has finally come to central Texas. And by cold I mean 60 degrees. I know that’s nothing, but nevertheless, I’m freezing. Because I had a much more substantial presence this time last year (i.e. 30 lbs additional insulation), none of my cold weather clothes fit. This is good and bad. Good because GO JENNY! GO JENNY! Bad because whoever decides what styles will be “in” this season apparently forgot to take their meds on “fashion” day. I spent the last 2 days trying to find something…anything…that will keep me warm, but not ugly. This something does not exist.

We have 2 options this season: Unimaginably bulky cableknits (which I have nothing against then they are of normal size, but this is Costco bulk I’m talking) or those awful cardigan/empire waist/giant button/bell sleeve/weird color things. Sorry, but I cannot support that campaign. Oh and I forgot the 3rd option: Christmas tree sweatshirts. Do you know I saw an appliquรฉd Christmas moose on a shirt last night? A MOOSE. I would have LOVED to sit in on the board meeting where that idea was approved.

Not even Target could help me on this. Target was already on my naughty list and has been for awhile now. I can’t tell you exactly when the relationship went sour, but one morning I just woke up and decided I wanted out. However, because I had numb fingers and goosebumpy arms, I decided to bury the hatchet. Epic. Fail. Bell sleeves and giant buttons everywhere! And in several instances, the cardigan/button/weird color now included cableknit. OMG, they’re mutating! I was sulking and just as I had given up all hope…

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I’m pretty sure there was some sort of heavenly chorus happening and I swear the room got a little brighter. And yes, I am aware that it is a rainbow splatter painted rhinestone studded batman shirt and short sleeved and I’m supposed to be looking for winter stuff. But think about it…if there were ever a rainbow splatter painted rhinestone studded batman personality to walk this earth, you know it’s me. So as I’m holding my soulshirt in my hands and realizing the mother ship has finally called me home, I look at the price tag. *Insert record screech here* $30. For a tshirt. At Target. Oh mass retailer, it is so ON! Consider yourself on notice.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Things I learned this week, Part 2

Apparently saying "Thank you so much" in San Antonio is the equivalent of saying "I love you and want to have your babies so please illegally look up my phone number and text stalk me at 4 in the morning" anywhere else.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Things I have learned this week...

There is a Tyrannosaurus Rex running around in the middle of the Earth. Mmm hmm. It's true. Journey to the Center of the Earth said so.

There's a scene where Brendan Fraser is running from TR (as he is known by his friends), and the ground cracks open and TR falls down into the abyss. Here's my question...where is he going to land? He's already in the middle of the Earth, so if he falls through that ground is he going to end up in like China or something?

These are important things I think we all need to think about.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Heavy hearted...

Heavy hearted...
I've been staring at this empty screen trying to find words that make sense. Words that express the shock and heaviness I'm feeling. I very rarely venture into politics discussions. I've witnessed very few that don't end in people angry and yelling at each other because someone does not agree with their point of view. This is why there are parties. Because not everyone believes the same things. It doesn't necessarily mean one is right and one is wrong. Just makes us each different, and we should all respect that. If I like apples, but you like oranges, are you going to rip my head off because of it? No. I respect everyone's right to have their own opinion and admire the people who got out and voted to support it. However, this election has me stunned.

The main issue in this election that was most important to me is abortion. I am 100% against any and all forms of it, and I will openly admit that to anyone who asks. I, in NO WAY, judge anyone who has had one. I know that it was not an easy decision for any woman who has chosen it, and would not dare say what I would do in a similar situation. I understand where a person can say it's not the governments role to dictate what a woman can do with her own body. Okay, I can stand behind that argument. However, we're not talking about tattoos or piercings or boob jobs. We're talking about a baby. It's a living being. Why is it not okay for a government to tell a woman what to do with her body, but it's okay for the woman to dictate what to do with a baby's body? This absolutely breaks my heart. I understand traumatic situations can happen, but to hear our new president-elect say that if a woman "makes a mistake", why should she be "punished" with a baby?!?! I'm sorry, but I thought it was pretty common knowledge that sex can equal baby. Most people know that going into it and are willing to take that risk.

It is also my understanding that this man wants to overturn a ruling that makes partial birth abortion illegal. This makes me nauseous. Does everyone understand exactly what partial birth abortion is? It means the doctor can pull the baby's entire body out feet first, but as long as the child's head is still inside the mother, the pregnancy can be terminated. Meaning this baby's beating heart is a part of this world, yet it can still be killed. I'll leave it up to Google to explain to you how exactly they terminate that little baby. I guarantee you it's disgusting. What the heck is wrong with someone who can say this is ok? Push one more time and give that baby to someone who wants it.

I understand this is not a major issue for some people. Abortion is low on the list behind economy and healthcare. That's your prerogative, and I will respect that. But that absolutely terrifies me. What has happened to this world when people are more interested in their 401(k)'s than what crimes are being committed against a newborn's beating heart? When did this world become so desensitized? Every single other issue aside, the fact that a man who supports a child who has survived such horrifc acts being denied medical help and left alone to die, can be elected to run this country? That absolutely terrifies me to my core. I don't understand how we got to this place.

I sat in a meeting this morning at work and listened to some of my co-workers hash it out about who should've done what and who said this and why didn't he do that. It was all lies. Grown men lying and conniving and blaming one another for things they did themselves just so the finger doesn't point back to them. For what reason? Be a man and say yes, I said that, here's why. Yes, I did that and here's why. What happened to honesty? What happened to integrity? I walked out of that office feeling more hopeless than I have in a long time.

It seems people focus on the "big issues" so much that they don't see how much the little things are starting to wear away at us. Listen to the song "Slow Fade" by Casting Crowns. I'm not saying I'm perfect, and that I do everything right. I have done some things that I absolutely swore I would never do, yet I allowed myself to slowly let my guard down. To slowly inch closer to disaster. Eventually, those little, baby steps will lead you right off a cliff. My heart breaks for where things are headed, and I'm scared to see where this road is leading, but I will keep my faith in the One who wrote the story. As long as we keep looking up, we'll be ok. He's the only one who'll be able to offer true "hope" and "change."

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

To the dogs...

So I was asked to dog sit last week for a friend of mine. 3 dogs and a cat. She usually brings the pack over to another friend's house when she's out of town, but because the new puppy is sick, she needed someone to watch them at her house. As most of you know, I'm an extreme animal lover and have watched her crew for her a couple of times before. Let me tell you, I had the best time with these dogs.

Today's episode features special appearances by:

Cooper





Cooper is the sweetest boy. He comes and sits by me on the sofa and either gets in my lap or puts his head on my shoulder. I love him completely. However, he is also a bully and is all I am beagle, hear me roar. He wants to do well, but he gets all excited and alpha dog and starts with the whole Arrrooooooooorooooooo!!!


Lola





Poor Lola. She has every allergy imaginable and has to wear a fido cone, tshirt, and diaper all the time so she doesn't scratch her little body raw. You have not seen cute till you see that grumpy little shih tzu face peeking out from a purple cone. I love her completely.

Codi




He's all little and floppy and awkward like puppies are. Sharpest. Teeth. Ever. Apparently, I am part rawhide. I didn't know this before Codi. I love him completely.

(A special thank you to Deedra for letting me steal pictures from her without her knowing.)

Dinner went pretty well. Coop and Lola ate first, because Coop is wound a little bit tight and has to go out while Codi eats. Otherwise, he'll eat all of Codi's food. Poor baby Codi had to sit and watch while the other 2 ate and he was all pitiful and barking at Cooper for not sharing. Broke my heart. Luckily, Cooper is also part vacuum so it did not take him long to finish. Once they were done, I let them out in the yard for business and after Codi signs off, he walked right through it. Sigh. Good thing you're cute kiddo.

Once back inside, I was sitting on the floor playing with some toys with Codi. Cooper's territorial side kicks in so he was trying to take all the toys that Codi picks up. Not okay with me because I am also part preschool teacher. I had this one particular ball/rope thing that Codi was tugging on. Cooper came up and started this mean growl at him, so I did what any normal 28 year old woman would do. I barked. Loud. To be honest, I didn't know I had that in me. It just kind of came out, and Coop freaked out. He didn't know what the heck just happened and went running across the living room with his ears all back and nervous. Awesome. He shook it off and came back over and started with the barking and growling at Codi. Has history taught you nothing? I barked again and he went running again all scared. For the rest of the night, that dog was so good. He would come and sit all quiet next to me with his ears back. Anytime he'd start towards Codi with the growling, I'd growl at him and he'd snap back to my side all well behaved. I am the pack leader. Not you, little beagle.

Lola does NOT like Codi. She cannot be bothered with his puppiness and wants nothing to do with him. She was completely sweet and friendly to me. Until I pet Codi. This apparently is the ultimate betrayal to her. I tried to pet her after I pet the puppy, and she all rolled half on her side and growled and kicked her foot in the air at me all no you didn't try to come pet me after you pet him. Poor kid. I didn't bark at her though. If you are growling at me because you don't want me in your personal space, then I understand. But do not growl because you think you are the man. I make that decision. Anyway, she pretty much ignored me for the rest of the night. You know..because I smelled like puppy.

Dee also has the most beautiful cat named Lynx. I forgot to introduce him to you earlier:



He's beautiful and is pretty sweet to me also, although I hear he's a bit schizo and will maul you on occasion. He liked to be petted as long as the dogs weren't around. When they were all laying around the living room asleep, he pranced in to check everything out like it was his idea for them to sleep. Ever notice how cats have totally awesome stalking skills? They can sit bolt upright and lean perfectly in one direction without moving their bodies or losing balance (think tower of pisa). Innocent Codi was curled up on a pillow on one side of the doorway, completely oblivious to the panther that was all leaning around the corner eyeing him. I totally wish I would've had my camera. Luckily, Lynx lost interest otherwise Codi would've been cat food.

The next morning I fed Codi first just because the whole barking thing was just too pitiful for me to handle a second time. Lola can't eat with the cone on (seriously, how sad is that?). I took it off of her for breakfast, and I swear that little girl became a whole different dog once the food came out. She was all wiggling and running in place while she was waiting for me to put the bowl down. That is the definition of cuteness. Coop switched into turbo vacuum mode and completely inhaled his grub. I guess he ate a little faster than he could handle because he starts dry heaving all over the kitchen. You know what was awesome? When he puked all over the kitchen floor. Know what was even more awesome than that? When he ate it again. Ate. It. Again. On one hand, this is great because now I don't have to clean up dog vomit. On the other hand, he ATE IT AGAIN. I did a little dry heaving of my own at that point.

Sweet animals. I love them all completely.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Knock knock...

What's the best time to go to the dentist?

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Tooth hurty.

(Shut up. You know that's hilarious.)

Monday, October 20, 2008

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Spoiled rotten...

Today has not been one of the best days, I admit. Been a rough ride around the office today, and I'm anxious to get out of here. There have been a few highlights like leaving to go drop off an order to a vendor for processing and some busy work that makes time go a little quicker. At lunch, I got to go with one of my coworkers to meet her friend's new puppy. Nothing like a sweet, soft puppy to cheer you up. She's go two other dogs that are sweet and adorable too. Poor Lola is the little Shih Tzu. She's got the worst allergies and has to wear the doggy cone all the time. But let me tell you...you can't help but smile when a tiny little dog in a purple cone comes tearing across the room wagging her tail and trying to get you to pick her up. Nothing much cuter than that, my friends. We stopped at Sonic on the way back to work and I got some lunch with a large coke. Pay close attention here...LARGE coke.

About an hour after we get back, an announcement comes across the paging system that there is a maintenance problem and no one is to use the restrooms or anything pertaining to water. Remember the large coke? One of my coworkers mentions the problem in the break room so I go take a look. Flooded. With Water. From the restrooms. It's only about 2:00 at this point. I don't get off work until 5:30 (large coke!). Do you know what happens when drainage water from restrooms has been sitting in a break room (where we eat by the way) for a few hours? The nose becomes a very unhappy part of the face. If anyone has ever had trouble meditating or finding a happy place, I suggest you put yourself in this situation. You will find a way to check out mentally really quick. I had just decided to go talk to some of the other girls in the office to distract myself, but remembered how funny they are and thought better of it.

I just got a secret phone call letting me know we had the all clear from maintenance. I'm surprised you didn't hear the stampede from where you are. 60 people, 4 hours, no restrooms? Not good. I realized that indoor plumbing has spoiled me rotten. It was getting pretty desperate around here. Although being the New Orleans girl that I am, I was about 15 minutes from pulling a French Quarter out in the back parking lot. I'm so classy. Haha.

Alright peeps, I've got 10 minutes before my weekend officially begins, and I'm off to Ross in search of a pimp cup.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

I'm picking out my tiara...

So seriously, if crankiness were an award, I would totally have it in the bag. I could rule the land of Crankydom with my awesome cranky crown. Problem is I'm only cranky from the hours of 7:00-5:30 Monday through Thursday (as I write thing ON MY BREAK, the same company has called 4 times on my phone. I might yell.) So I could only rule Crankydom for 40 hours a week (OMG, now they're paging me.)Are there cranky Olympics? Because if there are and they happen Mon-Thurs between the above stated hours, I've got the GOLD.(Dude, for real. He paged me AGAIN. Maybe I'm unavailable at the moment. Ever think of that???)

What if there was a cranky crown? It would most likely be impossible to be cranky when you are wearing a crown. Actually, I know this fact to be true. I remember one spectacularly miserable day where I was with a good friend, and we were very upset (mean boys). I put a tiara and flashing Mardi Gras beads on and ate Ben & Jerry's right out of the container (New York Super Fudge Chunk. Yes, Ben & Jerry, I will marry you.) There was not much crankiness after that. Like magic. So my plan is tomorrow morning when I arrive for the day of toxic workplaceness, I am going to bring my tiara.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Case of the Mondays...

Absolutely nothing at all interesting to say, but I am bored and feel like talking to listen up...

It's Monday. Mondays make me so cranky or something. Have you seen that cute little video of the penguin and the polar bear?




I'm feeling totally polar today.

Had a pretty good weekend. Nothing thrilling or anything, but overall pretty good. Spent Friday evening doing homework because I am young, single, and WILD.

Saturday, I went to Kohl's in search of THE purse. Oh listen to this! I got a Kohl's ad in the mail stating purses would be 50-60% off, and I'm all over that because I've been hunting the perfect one for a while. (Going forward, I shall refer to THE purse as Moby Dick - or the white whale - depending on what I think is funnier at that moment). Well, apparently Kohl's lies. They were NOT 50-60%. More like 30-40. And I even made sure to be there during POWER HOURS (WOO!), but still no 60% to be found. No purse for me. Stoopid Kohl's. Went to mom's after that to hug on my fat, little, fluffy puppy. Gosh, I love that dog. She loves me so much too which is really good for my self esteem. And finally got to change out the songs on my mp3 player. My computer doesn't support the software so I've been running to the same few songs for a very long time. I had to take it all to mom's to do it on her computer, but guess who'll be running on that treadmill to some new tunes? Oh yeah, it'll be me.

On Sunday (in continuation of this scandalous weekend I was living), I went to the grocery (I know! WOO!) and then I...get this....LAID ON THE COUCH. I'm CRAZY I tell you! CRAZY! And the Saints were NOT on tv again which made me get all grumpy and yell things at the tv. Apparently, people in Texas want to see the Texans play or something. Whatever. They're wrong.

So here we are at Polar Bear Monday. And that's pretty much all I have to say for now.

Peace.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Seen today...

On the McDonald's DRIVE THRU window...

"Braille and Picture Menus Available"

Braille menus. In the DRIVE thru.

Anybody with me on this?

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Happiness is...

Bunny pictures.



Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting


Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting


Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting


Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting


Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting


Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting


Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting


Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting


Wednesday, October 8, 2008

I'm feeling less than zen...

Stress is not fun. It's just not fun in any way. This week has just been brutal on the stress meter, and I would very much like it to chill the heck out. Feels like my body and emotions are all ramped up on the stress adrenaline, and it seems I'm one stupid person's comment away from a complete freak out. But my brain feels sort of sane, which is entirely unusual for me. Problem is, my brain is trying to tell the rest of me to chill out, but the rest of me is apparently stubborn and hard of hearing and chooses not to listen. Ugh.

Work is ridiculous. There are numerous loooooong stories I could tell you of the immature, manipulative, lying antics that happen daily around here, but honestly, I just don't have the energy for it. What happened to professionalism? Is it really so hard to put your big boy shorts on and work like a grown up? From the second I walk in this place, I can feel my blood pressure going up. My neck starts tensing and I want to throw things. This cannot be healthy. Oh, and did I mention I'm not allowed to socialize? Yeah, got in trouble for that. Even though everyone else is allowed to yell and laugh and punch on each other (stupid boys), my good work friend (who sits two cubes down) and I cannot say a word to each other. We work 10 hour days. You try sitting 5 feet away from one of your only friends in the whole state for 10 hours and not talk to her. I guarantee you will want to throw things. Or kick people.

On top of it, I have so much school work to catch up on, and it's seriously beginning to overwhelm. Luckily, my math teacher is not a stickler for turning things in on time, so I have a little leeway in that class. If it doesn't get done by Friday, no big deal. I do have to take a test by tomorrow night though. The big stressor is the English paper due on Friday. I just can't seem to get my brain to engage on the topic. The effects of point of view on the reader from one of three short stories. Sorry, just don't care. I have nothing to say on that topic, so I'm having a hard time even faking it. Sigh.

Nothing too major and dramatic thankfully, and I know it could completely be a million times worse so I am not complaining. Just venting about all this craziness that is piling up on the plate. Just gotta buckle down for the next 2 days and get it done. Then I shall lay out by the pool all weekend in my fabulous new swimsuit (not the 75 year old woman kind) and relax all my stresses away.

And in completely unrelated news, how flipping cute is this miniature donkey?

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Beautiful perspective...

A friend of mine sent this to me today and I thought I would share...

"How can you know that you are saved?"
A two-year-old boy was once staring at a heater, fascinated by its bright orange glow. His father saw him and warned, "Don't touch that heater son. It may look pretty, but it's hot." The little boy believed him, and moved away from the heater. Sometime later, when his father had left the room he thought to himself, "I wonder if it really is hot." He then reached out to touch it and see for himself. The second his flesh burned, he stopped believing it was hot. He now knew it was hot! He had moved out of the realm of belief into the realm of experience! Many Christians believed in God's existence before their conversion. However, when they obeyed the Word of God, turned from their sins and embraced Jesus Christ, they stopped just believing. The moment they reached out and touched the heater bar of God's mercy, they moved out of belief only into the realm of experience. This experience is so radical, Jesus referred to it as being "born again." The Apostle Paul said if you are "in Christ" you are a brand new creature. When Paul wrote to the church at Corinth, he said, "My speech and my preaching were not with persuasive words of human wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, that your faith should not be in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God" (1 Corinthians 2:4-5). What Paul was saying was, "I deliberately didn't talk you into your faith, but I let God's power transform you." He didn't reach them through an intellectual assent, but through the realm of personal experience. Suppose two men walked into the room just after that child had burned his hand on the heater. One was a heater manufacturer and the other a skin specialist. Both assured that boy that he couldn't possibly have been burned. But all the experts, theories, equations and arguments in the world will not dissuade that boy, because of his experience. Those who have been transformed by God's power need never fear scientific nor any other argument, because the man with an experience is not at the mercy of a man with an argument. "For our Gospel did not come to you in word only, but also in power, and in the Holy Spirit and in much assurance& " (1 Thessalonians 1:5).


Be blessed today!

Monday, October 6, 2008

Princess Grace

So I'm not the most coordinated person in the world. I have pretty substantial hearing loss and really, really bad ears so my balance is completely off. I'm fairly certain this is the sole reason I fall out of chairs in the middle of my office (true story) or can't hold my keys for more than 5 seconds without dropping them 10 times in a row. I can't help it. It's the ears.

Over the weekend, Shara and I were discussing Mary Kay compacts and how completely fantastic they are. For those of you unfamiliar with a Mary Kay compact, there are several little sections where you can just snap in your favorite colors. When you run out of one, you just push the little button on the back, empty color tray pops out, and in goes the new one. This way you don't have to repurchase the compact every time you run out of a color (รก la Clinique). I pull my compact out so we could compare colors in our matching Mary Kay compacts, and I realized that I have what I believe to be Moonstone. It just so happens that my mom was considering ordering Moonstone. This is quite an exciting moment for me (I don't really know why, except that we were just talking about Moonstone yesterday, and omg, I totally already have it). I try to pop out the little color so I can read the name on the back of it. Yeah well, apparently I popped it too hard. The whole compact starts flipping around and wobbling in my hands, and Moonstone goes sailing through the air, landing where? Right in the toilet. Sigh. Poor Moonstone. Another unsuspecting cosmetic lost to the sea at the hands of my amazing grace.

Okay so granted, I have no idea what my bad ears and lack of sufficient equilibrium has to do with me dropping makeup in the toilet. But it definitely explains the chair thing.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

No good can come from corn....

Last night was Monday night. Which means One Tree Hill night. I know, I can't even believe I am writing those words. For the first 5,000 seasons, I was all OMG, this is the dumbest show ever, I can't believe you like it, the acting is ridiculous, it's just a bunch of slutty people all crying over each other. Yeah, well, fast forward 5 years, and Jenny here is an addict. I still think the acting is crap and the story lines are ridiculous, but you throw in a cute kid, a cool mom/teacher/wife person, and a crazy lady, and I am IN.

So I think what did it for me is the Haley character. I am pretty much in love with her. She's just so cute and cool and nice and plays her character so well that I believe I have developed a big, fat, non-gay crush on her. And yes, I am entirely aware that she is fictional and I'm okay with that, but it does not change the fact that I want to be her. I've mentioned I'm a dork yes? Whatever. I'm still cool.

So anyway, I shall now discuss with you the life lessons I have learned from One Tree Hill. Prepare to be moved. Also, SPOILERS AHEAD....I fully intend on going into detail about what happened in last night's show, so if you're waiting to watch it or whatever, then read no further until you catch up...okay, consider yourself warned...

So Grandpa Dan has been kidnapped (after being hit by a car)(which was pretty much hilarious by the way) by the crazy ex-nanny Carrie or Cary of Carree or whatever. Yeah, she's PSYCHO and completely awesome. Her plan is to kidnap Haley's (my BFF) kid and run away with him blah whatever. Here's where it gets beyond fricking awesome....enter the cornfield. Crazy Ex-Nanny Carrie is all trying to steal the kid out of the car by busting the window with an axe (PMS maybe?), and 4 year old kid (Jamie) jumps out of car and takes off running into the corn field. Guys, this is Life Lesson 1....NOTHING good EVER happens in a cornfield. Seriously, how many movies and tv shows do we need to see to understand this fact? Don't most people die once they enter the corn? [Side note: I've been in one one of those corn mazes (and survived - go me) that became all the rage a few years ago and let me tell ya...not the best time of my life. Maybe because we got busted by the corn police (which technically was a youth group from Pearl River or something) because people in our group were smoking and maybe had a couple beers with them (that's FORBIDDEN in a corn maze by the way), but even without the CP (corn patrol), it wasn't the best.]

Anyway, so little man is all tearing through the corn, running for his life, and Gasp! This arm comes out of nowhere and snatches him! EEK! Oh, but it's okay because it's mom. (Haley! Saves the day!) She's all telling him shhh and they're both freaking out, and it is at this very moment that hubby decides to return her call. Haley's cell phone starts ringing which Crazy Ex-Nanny Carrie hears, and she turns around all slow and creepy and smiley because she's got them now. Life lesson 2...If you are going to a strange house in the middle of the country at the end of a dirt road, and there is a cornfield nearby, turn your ringer OFF. Just the ringer though. This is very important. You're going to probably want that phone in a little while and you don't want to have to wait for the welcome message to load (although you probably won't have a signal anyway because remember where you are). Anyway, Haley, being the awesome chick that she is grabs her kid and yells RUN! and they both take off. Awesome life saving skills Hales. Very awesome.

So Haley and Jamie are running all frantic (out of the cornfield), and here comes Crazy Ex-Nanny Carrie chasing them in her nurse's uniform carrying the syringe with the knock out drugs or whatever. They all come tearing around the car, and right when Crazy Ex-Nanny Carrie gets to the side of the car WHACK! She gets cracked in the face with a bottle by Nanny Deb who oh so wisely knew something wasn't right and went to find her family. I literally yelled OH SNAP! It was AWESOME people! Busted her all up in the face. You think this is the end?
Nope. You know they're never unconscious. They always come back. Haley and Nanny Deb are all hugging and oh my gosh you saved us and how did you know and I just knew and oh my gosh thank you, when Crazy Ex-Nanny Carrie grabs her axe (which just happens to be nearby) and goes EEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! and tries to cut them. Enter Grandpa Dan who busts a cap in her, and she's all bloody and laid out in the grass (she's still not dead, but that part has no relevance to our life lessons so we'll skip it). This is obvious Life Lesson 3....which I'm SURE you all know, but it doesn't hurt to be repeated. Do NOT turn your back on the bad guy if they've only been hit once. You KNOW they're not dead. You KNOW they're not even unconscious. These are crazies, and we all know that crazies don't die easily. They have like 9 lives or something.

So you might want to pay closer attention to the shows you're watching, people. Behind the bad acting and weak storylines could be a valuable lesson that might one day save your life. Thank you One Tree Hill.

Finding joy in the simple things...

We all have stress. We all have those crappy, cranky, omg-when-did-these-pants-get-so-tight-I'm-so-blah days. And then we all have those omg-I-am-totally-rocking-these-jeans-today-and-my-hair-couldn't-possibly-look-any-better days. Yesterday, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and immediately subconsciously fired off a list of things that I didn't like - need to lose more weight, dark circles under my eyes, skin looks splotchy....And the it just hit me. Stop. Just stop doing that. Why is it necessary to point out the stuff we don't like? We would never let another person talk to us like that, so why do we allow ourselves to do it? Why isn't our first response "wow, I really like the color or my eyes" or "I can tell I've lost a couple of pounds." ?



So my new plan is to be nicer to myself. Give myself a break. So what if I ate some french fries. I've lost 30 lbs, and I earned them. I'm not going to gain all of it back just because I allowed myself a snack. Now move on. I'm working on being more appreciative of how I look. I'm not perfect, never will be. There will always be things I want to improve. But I think being content and having fun with what you have in that moment is so important. This realization came to me when I had to clean the apartment yesterday. And I mean that serious kind of cleaning where you realize you have let it get way too bad and gross...yeah, you get me. I was in my favorite old beat up t-shirt, shorts that are too big for me, and my hair was all crazy on my head, and feeling all kinds of not cute, and as I'm elbow deep in Ajax scrubbing the tub, I decided that I was going to make these yellow rubber gloves SeXy! Oh yes, my friends. The camera came out, and there was a America's Next Top Model meets Good Housekeeping photo shoot.


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Am I corny? Yes. A dork? Absolutely. Nerd? No question about it. But dangit, I had fun cleaning up that apartment yesterday and felt pretty cute by the time I was done. And that's really all that matters right?



P.S. - Add an awesome photo editor computer program and way too much time on my hands to this mix and...


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Hehehe. You know you're going to go do it too.



I love you girls! You're all smart and beautiful and sexy and fun! Don't let anybody tell you different. Especially yourself.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Lazy river...

Saturday morning, my mom invited me to go with her and my Granny to the Lost Pines Resort. Some of my Houston family was spending the weekend there as a getaway from all that Ike madness, and because these were the people who so wonderfully put us up during Katrina, this was a must for me. My Aunt Debby, cousin Adam, his wife Darcy, and 3 kids, Ashton, Alex, and Franny, are some of the MOST fun and awesome people you'll ever meet, so I was absolutely in.

The resort is set in a really beautiful and woodsy area on the Colorado River, and we ate lunch on the little patio right outside their room. We headed to the pool, which has sort of a mini water park vibe to it with fake sandy beach, little water slide, and lazy river. Okay so, the whole idea of a lazy river is just sit in the inner tube and let the water just float you along all relaxing and lazy while the river does all the work right? Yeah, well apparently I can't do it right because my tube was just sort of spinning in circles in one place as my family drifted lazily along. Um, help? So after lots of paddling (Note: Paddling is NOT lazy), I catch up to them and all is good. Although, I should also mention that Darcy and I had just slathered on the sunscreen a few minutes before getting in the water. Unabsorbed suntan lotion + plastic inner tube + water = sliding through the middle of the tube with your feet and hands all stuck in the air. Okay, maybe it wasn't that dramatic, but it was close.

(At this point, I will need to explain a side bar back story so you can fully understand the dent my self esteem took on this relaxing afternoon....Several years ago while working at Cross Gates, I bought what I thought was a cute little red and black striped bathing suit at TJ Maxx. Heck yes, it's on sale, it fits, and I'm feeling kind of cute in it, so I bought it. Not long after that, while at work one day, I see one of our senior water aerobics ladies walking through the gym wearing the EXACT SAME SUIT. Nice. So on an emergency bathing suit run one day (because I'm not wearing geriatric swim gear), I got a $10 turquoise suit at Wal-Mart. Nothing fancy, but it fit and I didn't feel huge, so $10 turquoise bathing suit came home with me....)

This brings us back to lazy river...I wore the $10 turquoise suit. I've lost a lot of weight since the last time I wore it, so it fit even better than it used to. I was feeling pretty darn self-confident on this sunny day, and I admit I might have even been strutting some. Go me. Anyway, I'm floating next to awesome and adorable Darcy who's sporting her super cute yellow and brown print bikini, and I'm feeling pretty badass for hanging out with these cool people. Life is good. Well, along comes this woman who had to be at least 68, and guess what she's wearing. I'll give you a hint...it's turquoise. Sigh. I'm 2 for 2 so far. And apparently, I have the same taste in swimsuits as 75 year old women.

After a few rounds of lazy floatation, Darcy, Franny, and I head to the bar for some curly fries and nachos. Darcy found this perfect grassy area overlooking the river (real, not lazy), and we had a little picnic enjoying the view. I have to say I think this was my favorite part of the day.




It's days like these that make me realize how incredibly blessed I am to have these people in my life. Darcy and I are just getting to know each other and spending the day with her was so good for me. She's smart and funny and kind. Adam is so badass and such a nice guy. He's fun and seems to embrace life with such a positive energy. My Aunt Debby is beautiful and joyous and brings sunshine wherever she goes. Granny is unconditionally loving and my mom is my very best friend. The kids are so much fun to hang out with and talk to. How many people are lucky enough to have so many wonderful people in their life? And this is just a small part of my big, loving family. It can't get much better than this.

Now, can somebody please take me swimsuit shopping?