Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Say Cheese...

Can we please talk about Taco Bell? And how sometimes I wish I was a taco just so I could marry a taco and have little tacos running around the yard to ensure that the taco legacy will live on forever? Okay, I admit that sounds much weirder when committed to the written word than it did when twisting and turning through my brain on the Thought Coaster, but do you see what I’m saying? And perhaps tacos and roller coaster analogies should never belong in the same sentence. Because all of a sudden, I am intensely nauseous, and also, I seem to have lost all sense of where I was going with this.


Okay, so, tacos. There is a new Taco Bell commercial that is killing me, y’all. I was going to go try to find it on YouTube and link and embed and all that, but really, I don’t think you care that much, so use your imagination muscles. It’s basically something about cheese, I think, and I don’t even know any more than that, except that there is nacho cheese pouring or something and then there are nachos and then more cheese pouring, and then I black out, and, when I come to, I am sitting at the coffee table with my face in a plate of everything Taco Bell. How does this happen is what I need to know? It’s like kryptonite, that commercial. It’s not even so much that I love Taco Bell, but more that I am mad, deep love with Taco Bell’s nacho cheese.

Which brings me to this past Saturday. The day my life was Changed.

I was cruising on down to the outlet mall to take advantage of a particularly substantial Gap Outlet coupon, when I remember there is a Taco Bell a couple blocks down from the mall. Woop! Now I know you’re all thinking “Girl, I know you are not going to eat Taco Bell before you go try on pants,” and while this is exactly the same thing I would think if the situation were reversed, my response to you is “Heck yes I am!”

Side note: I would like to take a minute right here to discuss with you the logistics of a Taco Bell drive-thru. Have y’all noticed that those things are like taco lockdown once you get in line? Like, there are usually curbs or a fence or some other obstacle on either side of the single lane, requiring some serious border commitment, because once you are in, you’re in. I guess the higher-ups know the reality of Taco Bell remorse and had to get serious to keep people from bailing after ordering when they realize what they’ve just done. I know you are relating to this.

The order I placed was (1) cheesy fiesta potatoes, (1) Mexican pizza, and (1) order of regular nachos with an extra side of cheese, please. The order I received was (1) cheesy fiest potatoes, (1) Mexican pizza, (3) regular tacos, (0) nacho chips, and (2) nacho cheeses. (Question: Does anybody else ever feel like they are playing taco roulette with Taco Bell drive thru? For real, the only constants in life are death, taxes, and Taco Bell will get your order wrong. I mean, right? And I know this could be resolved by double checking before I drive away, but really, where is the fun in that? This way you never know if you’ll have 12 regular tacos or one of those chalupa/gordita/burrito steak fiesta hybrid things. I mean, this is excitement, people!)

So I’m sitting here with all of this nacho cheese and no chips. Sadness ensues! But please, do not despair for me, because you know I’m about to eat that stuff straight out of the little container. I would use the spork, but it’s not like they gave me one, so just do not even get me started on that. While eating free taco numero uno (respect that espanol, homies!), I stare at the cheese. The cheese stares at me. And I swear, like heavenly divination, an idea descends upon me!

What if…

I dipped the taco…


Right?! 30 years and it had never once occurred to me to pursue this! OF COURSE THE CHEESE SHOULD MARRY THE TACO!!! It’s so obvious! I have to say I kind of feel like my parents failed me here. (Mom, I will need you to meet me at therapy. K, thanks.) Do you SEE what happens when you do not check your Taco Bell order?! This is deep on so many levels.

So, pretty much, the point is that nacho cheese is like the color black, in that it goes with everything.

And, also, you should never eat Taco Bell before trying on clothes, especially if it is anything even remotely form-fitting.

The end.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Thoughts While Thinking**....

So sometimes my mind wanders.  I know this revelation is shocking unto you, but it is truth.  And so because of all the wandering, I decided to take some notes so you could join me on this wanderation.  I know, I know, you're welcome.


*Isn’t it amazing how fast your favorite shirt can become your most annoying shirt?  Because for real, I am about ready to take this thing off and set it on fire. 

*Why are they called crocodile tears? Do crocodiles seriously cry that much? Or is it like because of how big you’re gonna cry when you see a crocodile coming at you?

*Don't you think that the true mark of being an adult is when you can finally tell the difference between the opening music to Wild Thing and Funky Cold Medina?

*Funky Comadina, anybody? Where were YOU when you realized that comadina is not a word? Did it just rock your whole belief system or what?

*I saw a lady mopping her house today.  Not mopping the floor of her house.  Mopping her actual house.  Like the outside of it.  I don't really have anything to say about that, but I just figured it's probably not something a girl should keep to herself.  So, yeah.

*Why the heck do tape measures disappear the second you put them down?  I measured my dresser, set the tape measure down, and I swear it took me a good 20 minutes to find it.  I found it on the shelf in the hallway. When did I go in the hallway?!

And just for general informational purposes, I did not mean that list to turn out so Seinfeld-y, as in "what is the DEAL with crocodile tears?"  But you know, things happen, so I think it's best we all just move one from it.  Even though I don't think he's funny one bit, and CLEARLY, I am hilarious.  So. Yeah.

**Let us all take a moment to recognize that my aunt is awesome because that's where Thoughts While Thinking came from.  From her mind.  Because she's awesome.**