Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Insomnia and Some Other Such Somethings. Or Whatever.



I mean, so what if the alarm is going off in 3 hours and 9 minutes? Who needs to sleep? All I know is I've been laying waiting for Tired to show up like 7 years now, and still, nothing doing.  And then I thought "Stretching!" because stretching helps a whole heck of a lot when you're feeling all cranky and creaky and insomniac-y.  So I stretched.  And while I had my left ankle on my right knee stretching out those glutes, I glance at my ankle and thought "Cankle!"  And then I had a panic attack or 7 because hello, wouldn't you?  Turns out it's not really a cankle situation, so much as it is a swollen ankle situation.  Which is still kind of alarming considering there is no logical reason for it to be swollen.  Well, that thought train turned into an extensive search for the bug bite that I most certainly had because hello, look at it!

Y'all, let me just tell you this: The human body is kind of rad. Because apparently when one's 30 year old body is confronted with the choice of sitting up to look for a bug bite on one's swollen cankle ankle at 3 am or remaining in a horizontal position and looking for a bug bite on one's cankle ankle, I'll be danged if one won't be able to stretch that cankle ankle all the way up to one's face to give it a looksie!  Tired + cranky + possible epidermal violation = mad bending skillz, yo. Math is math, people.

Anyway, so somewhere in that whole cankle/not cankle time of my life, my thought sparkles sparked "Blog!"  Because there is nothing more that people love to read than incoherent thoughts of a bendy insomniac, amiright?  I know I'M clicking on that link, so, you know, there's that.  Oh, but what happened was Brain said " Blog!" and then I had a rapid fire idea fest where I came up with all kinds of witty things to tell you.  And clearly you can tell how that movie ended.  I do know it had something to do with my laptop not working correctly, and how I can only open it to approximately a 45 degree angle before the screen goes black.  Which means I can only use my laptop when I'm lying down, which, in turn, means it's hyper annoying to try to type numbers of any sorts because of that whole "lacking a 10-key" thing and then I have to crane my neck up all awkward-like to use those number keys at the top that nobody ever uses or remembers are there.  So I guess whatever I thought about to tell you required numbers?  Weird, right?  Especially considering I did some mind-blowing numberless math not one paragraph ago.

Good gravy, people, are you even still around listening to this?  What am I even going on about?  This is like the Seinfeld of posts.  It's a blog about NOTHING!  (Please tell me you get that reference.  Because otherwise a certain younger brother of mine will not rest until you get it. So.) 

Note to self:  When you are insomniating, you get hungry at about 3:15 a.m.  And you know what else you get at 3:15 a.m.?  Tired!  I know, right?! Win!

Oh, and while we're on the subject, can we all please please please agree to stop saying "Just sayin'"?  Because really, most of you aren't using it in proper context anyway, so it's really just kind of annoying. Especially when it's used after every single thing you "just said." We know you're "just sayin'" because you JUST SAID IT. I don't know. It just seems to me that the whole eventual breakdown of society is hinging on this phrase.  Well, that phrase and rompers. And taking pictures with kissy lips and peace signs. Because really? Are we still doing that?  The answer is no.

Alright dudes, I think the ride on this thought coaster is over.  Disappointing, I know.  There were some thrills in there with some loops you weren't expecting, and in the end, you probably feel a little nauseous, but deep down, you know you'd ride it again.  Until next time, your homework assignment is to come up with a really cool name for the Thought Coaster. Make it really amusement parky!

You know you love me.
Gossip Girl

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