Tuesday, September 30, 2008

No good can come from corn....

Last night was Monday night. Which means One Tree Hill night. I know, I can't even believe I am writing those words. For the first 5,000 seasons, I was all OMG, this is the dumbest show ever, I can't believe you like it, the acting is ridiculous, it's just a bunch of slutty people all crying over each other. Yeah, well, fast forward 5 years, and Jenny here is an addict. I still think the acting is crap and the story lines are ridiculous, but you throw in a cute kid, a cool mom/teacher/wife person, and a crazy lady, and I am IN.

So I think what did it for me is the Haley character. I am pretty much in love with her. She's just so cute and cool and nice and plays her character so well that I believe I have developed a big, fat, non-gay crush on her. And yes, I am entirely aware that she is fictional and I'm okay with that, but it does not change the fact that I want to be her. I've mentioned I'm a dork yes? Whatever. I'm still cool.

So anyway, I shall now discuss with you the life lessons I have learned from One Tree Hill. Prepare to be moved. Also, SPOILERS AHEAD....I fully intend on going into detail about what happened in last night's show, so if you're waiting to watch it or whatever, then read no further until you catch up...okay, consider yourself warned...

So Grandpa Dan has been kidnapped (after being hit by a car)(which was pretty much hilarious by the way) by the crazy ex-nanny Carrie or Cary of Carree or whatever. Yeah, she's PSYCHO and completely awesome. Her plan is to kidnap Haley's (my BFF) kid and run away with him blah whatever. Here's where it gets beyond fricking awesome....enter the cornfield. Crazy Ex-Nanny Carrie is all trying to steal the kid out of the car by busting the window with an axe (PMS maybe?), and 4 year old kid (Jamie) jumps out of car and takes off running into the corn field. Guys, this is Life Lesson 1....NOTHING good EVER happens in a cornfield. Seriously, how many movies and tv shows do we need to see to understand this fact? Don't most people die once they enter the corn? [Side note: I've been in one one of those corn mazes (and survived - go me) that became all the rage a few years ago and let me tell ya...not the best time of my life. Maybe because we got busted by the corn police (which technically was a youth group from Pearl River or something) because people in our group were smoking and maybe had a couple beers with them (that's FORBIDDEN in a corn maze by the way), but even without the CP (corn patrol), it wasn't the best.]

Anyway, so little man is all tearing through the corn, running for his life, and Gasp! This arm comes out of nowhere and snatches him! EEK! Oh, but it's okay because it's mom. (Haley! Saves the day!) She's all telling him shhh and they're both freaking out, and it is at this very moment that hubby decides to return her call. Haley's cell phone starts ringing which Crazy Ex-Nanny Carrie hears, and she turns around all slow and creepy and smiley because she's got them now. Life lesson 2...If you are going to a strange house in the middle of the country at the end of a dirt road, and there is a cornfield nearby, turn your ringer OFF. Just the ringer though. This is very important. You're going to probably want that phone in a little while and you don't want to have to wait for the welcome message to load (although you probably won't have a signal anyway because remember where you are). Anyway, Haley, being the awesome chick that she is grabs her kid and yells RUN! and they both take off. Awesome life saving skills Hales. Very awesome.

So Haley and Jamie are running all frantic (out of the cornfield), and here comes Crazy Ex-Nanny Carrie chasing them in her nurse's uniform carrying the syringe with the knock out drugs or whatever. They all come tearing around the car, and right when Crazy Ex-Nanny Carrie gets to the side of the car WHACK! She gets cracked in the face with a bottle by Nanny Deb who oh so wisely knew something wasn't right and went to find her family. I literally yelled OH SNAP! It was AWESOME people! Busted her all up in the face. You think this is the end?
Nope. You know they're never unconscious. They always come back. Haley and Nanny Deb are all hugging and oh my gosh you saved us and how did you know and I just knew and oh my gosh thank you, when Crazy Ex-Nanny Carrie grabs her axe (which just happens to be nearby) and goes EEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! and tries to cut them. Enter Grandpa Dan who busts a cap in her, and she's all bloody and laid out in the grass (she's still not dead, but that part has no relevance to our life lessons so we'll skip it). This is obvious Life Lesson 3....which I'm SURE you all know, but it doesn't hurt to be repeated. Do NOT turn your back on the bad guy if they've only been hit once. You KNOW they're not dead. You KNOW they're not even unconscious. These are crazies, and we all know that crazies don't die easily. They have like 9 lives or something.

So you might want to pay closer attention to the shows you're watching, people. Behind the bad acting and weak storylines could be a valuable lesson that might one day save your life. Thank you One Tree Hill.

Finding joy in the simple things...

We all have stress. We all have those crappy, cranky, omg-when-did-these-pants-get-so-tight-I'm-so-blah days. And then we all have those omg-I-am-totally-rocking-these-jeans-today-and-my-hair-couldn't-possibly-look-any-better days. Yesterday, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and immediately subconsciously fired off a list of things that I didn't like - need to lose more weight, dark circles under my eyes, skin looks splotchy....And the it just hit me. Stop. Just stop doing that. Why is it necessary to point out the stuff we don't like? We would never let another person talk to us like that, so why do we allow ourselves to do it? Why isn't our first response "wow, I really like the color or my eyes" or "I can tell I've lost a couple of pounds." ?

So my new plan is to be nicer to myself. Give myself a break. So what if I ate some french fries. I've lost 30 lbs, and I earned them. I'm not going to gain all of it back just because I allowed myself a snack. Now move on. I'm working on being more appreciative of how I look. I'm not perfect, never will be. There will always be things I want to improve. But I think being content and having fun with what you have in that moment is so important. This realization came to me when I had to clean the apartment yesterday. And I mean that serious kind of cleaning where you realize you have let it get way too bad and gross...yeah, you get me. I was in my favorite old beat up t-shirt, shorts that are too big for me, and my hair was all crazy on my head, and feeling all kinds of not cute, and as I'm elbow deep in Ajax scrubbing the tub, I decided that I was going to make these yellow rubber gloves SeXy! Oh yes, my friends. The camera came out, and there was a America's Next Top Model meets Good Housekeeping photo shoot.


Am I corny? Yes. A dork? Absolutely. Nerd? No question about it. But dangit, I had fun cleaning up that apartment yesterday and felt pretty cute by the time I was done. And that's really all that matters right?

P.S. - Add an awesome photo editor computer program and way too much time on my hands to this mix and...



Hehehe. You know you're going to go do it too.

I love you girls! You're all smart and beautiful and sexy and fun! Don't let anybody tell you different. Especially yourself.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Lazy river...

Saturday morning, my mom invited me to go with her and my Granny to the Lost Pines Resort. Some of my Houston family was spending the weekend there as a getaway from all that Ike madness, and because these were the people who so wonderfully put us up during Katrina, this was a must for me. My Aunt Debby, cousin Adam, his wife Darcy, and 3 kids, Ashton, Alex, and Franny, are some of the MOST fun and awesome people you'll ever meet, so I was absolutely in.

The resort is set in a really beautiful and woodsy area on the Colorado River, and we ate lunch on the little patio right outside their room. We headed to the pool, which has sort of a mini water park vibe to it with fake sandy beach, little water slide, and lazy river. Okay so, the whole idea of a lazy river is just sit in the inner tube and let the water just float you along all relaxing and lazy while the river does all the work right? Yeah, well apparently I can't do it right because my tube was just sort of spinning in circles in one place as my family drifted lazily along. Um, help? So after lots of paddling (Note: Paddling is NOT lazy), I catch up to them and all is good. Although, I should also mention that Darcy and I had just slathered on the sunscreen a few minutes before getting in the water. Unabsorbed suntan lotion + plastic inner tube + water = sliding through the middle of the tube with your feet and hands all stuck in the air. Okay, maybe it wasn't that dramatic, but it was close.

(At this point, I will need to explain a side bar back story so you can fully understand the dent my self esteem took on this relaxing afternoon....Several years ago while working at Cross Gates, I bought what I thought was a cute little red and black striped bathing suit at TJ Maxx. Heck yes, it's on sale, it fits, and I'm feeling kind of cute in it, so I bought it. Not long after that, while at work one day, I see one of our senior water aerobics ladies walking through the gym wearing the EXACT SAME SUIT. Nice. So on an emergency bathing suit run one day (because I'm not wearing geriatric swim gear), I got a $10 turquoise suit at Wal-Mart. Nothing fancy, but it fit and I didn't feel huge, so $10 turquoise bathing suit came home with me....)

This brings us back to lazy river...I wore the $10 turquoise suit. I've lost a lot of weight since the last time I wore it, so it fit even better than it used to. I was feeling pretty darn self-confident on this sunny day, and I admit I might have even been strutting some. Go me. Anyway, I'm floating next to awesome and adorable Darcy who's sporting her super cute yellow and brown print bikini, and I'm feeling pretty badass for hanging out with these cool people. Life is good. Well, along comes this woman who had to be at least 68, and guess what she's wearing. I'll give you a hint...it's turquoise. Sigh. I'm 2 for 2 so far. And apparently, I have the same taste in swimsuits as 75 year old women.

After a few rounds of lazy floatation, Darcy, Franny, and I head to the bar for some curly fries and nachos. Darcy found this perfect grassy area overlooking the river (real, not lazy), and we had a little picnic enjoying the view. I have to say I think this was my favorite part of the day.

It's days like these that make me realize how incredibly blessed I am to have these people in my life. Darcy and I are just getting to know each other and spending the day with her was so good for me. She's smart and funny and kind. Adam is so badass and such a nice guy. He's fun and seems to embrace life with such a positive energy. My Aunt Debby is beautiful and joyous and brings sunshine wherever she goes. Granny is unconditionally loving and my mom is my very best friend. The kids are so much fun to hang out with and talk to. How many people are lucky enough to have so many wonderful people in their life? And this is just a small part of my big, loving family. It can't get much better than this.

Now, can somebody please take me swimsuit shopping?