Rawr...

Okay, I just want to say one thing, and then we are not going to say anything else until February when the topic at hand turns 18.  Deal? 

So:

I know!

Okay, that's all.

Except wait, let me just say this one more thing:

See you in February...

Merry Christmas to all...

God's gifts....

From The Great House of God by Max Lucado....


"Thanks be to God for his gift that is too wonderful for words." 2 Corinthians 9:15


Why did he do it? A shack would have sufficed, but he gave us a mansion. Did he have to give the birds a song and the mountains a peak?

Was he required to put stripes on the zebra and the hump on the camel?...Why wrap creation in such splendor? Why go to such trouble to give such gifts?

Why do you? You do the same. I’ve seen you searching for a gift. I’ve seen you stalking the malls and walking the aisles. I’m not talking about the obligatory gifts….

I’m talking about the extra-special person and that extra-special gift….Why do you do it?...You do it so the heart will stop. You do it so the jaw will drop.

You do it to hear those words of disbelief, “You did this for me?”

That’s why you do it. And that is why God did it. Next time a sunrise steals your breath or a meadow of flowers leaves you speechless, remain that way.

Say nothing and listen as heaven whispers, “Do you like it? I did it just for you.”

Today's Post is Brought to You by Cozy Socks...

Have you ever seen such toasty piggies in all your life?!  I'm telling you this:  Combine these bad boys with some stretchy pants and watch the world turn rosey.  You can count that as fact.  They were so magical during movie watching time last night that I took myself right back to Old Navy this morning to buy a second pair.  I also highly recommend getting fun stripes.  It will make your feet happy.

Ugh. Embarrassing story for you. (Not super embarrassing because I was over it in as long as it took me to call my BFF and recount the story, but still...)  My mission at Old Navy today was three-fold: (1) Buy the pj pants for my mom to complete our matching Christmas morning pj's, (2) buy more cozy socks (see above), and (3) use my 20% off coupon.  Oh wait, no, four-fold because (4) use my gift card.  Yes, four-fold. After at least an hour in the store, possibly longer, trying on every single thing that looked sort of interesting, I had a nice little selection of goods for purchase.  (Dang, it's five-fold.  I needed to exchange a shirt too. Brain, please engage. Thanks.) 

In the checkout line, I make things slightly difficult for Cashier Girl and ask her to do the exchange and the purchase separately because one was on my mom's receipt, and the other would be mine.  Halfway through it, I realized that was unnecessary and told her she could do it all on one transaction as she suggested.  It didn't cause her any more work or anything; I just tell you that to prepare you for the idea that maybe my cerebrum wasn't operating with a full staff.  I also ask her to do a price adjustment for a couple of the shirts Mom and I bought yesterday that I found marked down on clearance.  She did whatever retaily thing, then told me that nothing was pulling up as needing to be adjusted on the receipt.  So we look over the receipt together, and I point out what shirts I meant.  Yeah, they were already marked down on the receipt.  We got them at the clearance price yesterday.  GAH!  I mean it's awesome that we got the discount, but seriously Jenny, check your facts before you begin to speak.  No worries, she was nice to me so I went on my merry way.

As soon as I got in the car, I realized two things: (1) I forgot to use my gift card (3rd time I've done that btw), and (2) I forgot to use my 20% off coupon.  Argh!  I immediately called my retail bestie who worked at Gap for like 100 years.  "If I bring my coupon back in there, will they give me the discount?"  She assured me they would.  So I did the dork walk of shame and went back through the cashier's line.  I explained to her how apparently I completely dorked out and forgot about my coupon and could I please still use it?  She thankfully did not look at me insane, but called her manager to help her out with the transaction.  She said she just wanted to make sure she was doing it right, but I'm pretty sure it's because she thought I was going to put a dead rabbit on the counter or something.  I mean I know I was totally putting off the crazy vibe (I might have realized mid-first transaction that I had a full 20 oz Sprite in my purse that I had forgotten about.  Of course I told her about it.)

Because there was holiday madness happening, I let the two ladies in line behind me go first while we waited for Manager.  Once he got there, he said she would just need to void it and redo the transaction.  Ok, a small pain, but nothing major.  Then, when it wasn't working right, he realized there was an exchange on the receipt and because of that, she would have to return each individual item MANUALLY and then re-ring it up. Poor girl. I glanced over my shoulder to see how many people were inconvenienced by this.  Seven.  SEVEN!  Well, sorry Old Navy shoppers, welcome to Christmas In Retail.  I was so happy to get out of there, that I didn't even bring up the gift card.  No way.  I'll use it later, let's just roll with the coupon thing please.

It all worked out fine, I just hate having to do stuff like that.  HATE it. Let me just do it all right the first time, so as not to have to make waves to fix it later.  But whatever, I'm over it.  But brain, please note...You are on notice.

I'd like to thank the Academy...

Holy snowballs! My first blog award!  Thanks mucho to Kathryn over at From the Inside...Out for bestowing this honor upon me.  For real, I'm so stinking excited.  It's like I'm an official blogger or something.  Should we get t-shirts?  I'm pretty sure we should get t-shirts.

Behold!

Now as a condition of this prestigious award, I am instructed to fill in the following blanks.  It will be diffcult because I am so modest (which is why I am so awesome after all), but I vow to do my best.  Here goes:

(1) My site rocks because: In addition to fascinating topics such as dog vomit and locker room nudity, I can offer you pictures of a cute dog and beautiful produce.

(2) In my next life, I want to come back as a: goat because days will be spent eating the heck out of whatever I want.  Plus, I can randomly head butt people to my liking, and they can't get mad, because hey, I'm a goat.  It's what I do.

(3) For me, the best part of blogging is:  I like having an outlet to share thoughts and stories, and if those stories can make someone else smile, then it's all the more rewarding.

Now for my pay it forward awarding, I would like to award Lise over at Every Last Drop for her honest and encouraging writing.  Go say hello!

Thank you again Kathryn.  Your praise is much appreciated. :)

Pop Quiz...

Question:  As I vacuumed this afternoon, how far did I get before I realized the canister was not on, therefore recycling all dust and debris right back onto the floor?

(a) The hallway
(b) The hallway and the kitchen
(c) The hallway, the kitchen, and twice around the living room

If you answered C, give yourself 10 points.  And then another 5 points for being pretty.

Odds and ends...

'Sup dudes? I hope everybody is doing well.  Have you gotten all your Christmas shopping done?  I have.  Yep.  I was able to get everyone I know something completely on the cheap, which is a blessing because these economic times have not been kind to this girl's bank account.  The solution? I am giving everyone hugs. Practical and very eco-friendly.  I'm just a trailblazer that way.  I don't think I used that phrase properly.  But whatever, it's my blog.

So, let's see...what do I have to tell you.  First off, it needs to be said that today was stupid.  Like really stupid.  And that's all I have to say about that.  Wait, no, I have one more thing to say about that.  The upside to the downside is that I got in a fantastic cry that lasted a good portion of the day.  I can't tell you how exciting this was for me.  Seriously, you know how things just build and build and build and it's getting all intense, but thanks to the survival instinct thing you've got going on, you haven't exactly cried yet?  But then when you finally do, it's like oh sweet relief?  Yeah, that's the kind of cry I got today.  Totally cathartic (is that the right word?  I swear my brain thesaurus/dictionary is on the fritz.).  Acutally, I don't think I'm done yet either, so I'm hoping I have a few good crying days ahead of me.  Fingers crossed.

I seriously need to reboot the hard drive in my brain these days.  It's like a forgotten to-do item floats into my thought process at some random moment, and all synapses on duty start working on the Oh Yeah! memo to the rest of my brain.  And then immediately all of those synapses clock out for the day, and the Oh Yeah! memo is just left on the desk in the dark allowing the to-do item to float right on out.  So it never gets done and this just annoys me to no end. Wow, that was some analogy huh? (Why am I picturing my synapses as elves?  Santa's, not Keebler.  Hmmm.) Point being:  I still have not cooked pumpkin yummy goods for the pumpkin givers.  I know right?!  How does one FORGET to bake a magic pumpkin?  Especially when there's practically a keg of it in the freezer.  What is that about Brain? Huh? Can you please offer me some explanation as to your completely flaky state these days?  So, I'm deeply sorry, dear pumpkin friends, that you have yet to taste the satisfaction of healthy sugar-free pumpkin muffins (shut up, they are so awesome.). However, in an attempt maintain my living room picture frame status (seriously, I'm in the living room! In a frame!), I am going to throw the "My Dog Had Surgery" card.  That's right.  I went there.

**Quick sidenote:  Just so you know, Deedra & Bel, Pumpkin Givers Extraordinaire, are the wonderful pet parents to Cooper, Lola, and Codi that I told you about a while back?  Remember those kids?  Just trying to give you all the pieces to this puzzle. :)**

So next up on our agenda today:  Literary Christmas. Sigh.  (Hang tight.  This is where the banner pic gets explained.)  For the past 2 or 3 years, my Aunt Terri has hosted a Literary Christmas Party at her house.  The concept is for everyone in attendance to "perform" a song, reading, poem, game, whatever of a Christmas nature.  It is, in a word: awesome.  My family is HUGE by the way.  Like Catholic family in the 50's huge. My mom has 9 brothers and sisters.  Yeah.  It's fantastic. So this mass of people gets together (aunts, uncles, cousins, grannies...) contributing everything from 'Twas the Night Before Christmas to Christmas Jeopardy.

Up until last year, I had been strictly a spectator.  The night before last year's party, I was hanging out at my cousin, Val's, house.  Somehow the conversation turns to the party and that the two of us should do something. The conversation goes as follows:

Val: We could do a skit.

Me:  I love it.  Of what?

Val:  Beloved Christmas classics

Me:  Like A Christmas Story

Val:  Or It's a Wonderful Life

Me:  What if we did a dramatic re-enactment of It's a Wonderful Life...as told by sock puppets.

Literary. Christmas. Gold.

The next morning, we made a quick trip to Wal-Mart for a bag o' socks, and after some Sharpie magic, we had our Bailey family.  We gave the lady socks yellow yarn hair of course, and little Zu Zu even got red ribbons for her pigtails.  Even puppets must maintain their feminity.  There was a short outline of key scenes in the movie and maybe 1 or 2 dress rehearsals, and after a total of 15 minutes of work, we were stage ready.  And let me just say...we nailed it.  At one point, I was laughing so hard I couldn't even say my lines.  Val had to cover for me and play George Bailey AND Mary at the same time.  Luckily, she is quick on her feet (or hands), and would just shake my puppet hand while she talked so people would know which character was talking.  That is professionalism at it's finest.  It was so much fun, and everybody really liked it.

Here's the problem:  We set the bar too high. Literary Christmas is only a week and a half away, and I got nothing.  I mean, there was an encore request on Christmas Day!  How do we compete with that?  I know I shouldn't be too concerned really, considering last year's Tony winning show was cooked up in about 10 minutes the night before while watching Christopher Walken and drinking a couple of beers.  But the questions have been coming now since the party announcement:  "What are Val and Jenny gonna do?"  Is this how Meryl Streep feels?  I'm thinking yes. 

Stay tuned...

Week One Complete

Dude, has it seriously been a week already?  One week into this long road to recovery, and I have to say, so far so good.  There were definitely a couple REALLY bad days right up front, but that was all me and not a whole lot to do with Gracie girl here.  Lesson learned here:  Do not combine a week of craft show preparation with 3 days of Thanksgiving/travel with an all day craft show with major surgery on your one and only dog child during a week that is known to not be safe emotional-wise for us ladies and physical-wise for you fellas.  I think you follow.  Luckily, I was able to sleep in extra late one day which recharged my batteries a bit.

This dog is taking this whole thing like such a champ.  Dogs, man.  The resilience in these animals is amazing.  From the minute she got home, she has not whined a bit about having to be in the crate.  Trust me when I tell you this is a HUGE occurrence.  She'll huff and snort at me a bit, if she thinks she should be up on the bed with me, like maybe I forgot, but once I tell her to lay down, she settles in.  WHA???  Oh, and there was the HORRIBLE, nightmare-inducing night where she had to wear the Cone of Shame (10 points if you name the movie!) for the first time, and she literally laid there and quietly cried herself to sleep.  Like not even the whining dog kind of crying.  Just little whimpers to herself, and y'all, I am not lying when I tell you fat, little teardrops rolled down her cheeks.  I mean, seriously, universe?  Must you be this cruel? Heart. Breaking.

Since then, all is gravy.  Just today she has started to bite/chew on her leg from the itching more consistenly.  All week, when I tell her no, she'd quit.  Not so much today.  She'll latch on to that little naked leg and just gnaw the heck out of it, pretending she can't hear me of course.  Smart pup that she is figured out how to time it too, that if she ignores me, I'll get up to stop her.  And don't you know that little dog will bite bite bite on her itchy spot right until I put my hand out to stop her.  Then, of course, she's done.  Mmmm hmmm. What a coincidence.  You just happen to stop itching when I get to you.  I'm on to you little animal. So the bummer of it is that she now has to wear The Cone all day since she refuses to heed the wisdom of my years.  She doesn't fuss at all about it, but is having a little trouble figuring out how to walk and hear and all that with it on.  She clipped the walls in the hallway a few times, and tries to see over the top of it instead of turning her head left or right.  It's really cute/sweet/funny to watch.  She's a trooper, that one.

So, anyway, we're managing. We made it through week one, seven more to go.  The stitches come out this Saturday, so that should help with some of the itching.  All we can do is one day at a time right?

And just so you know what I see every night before I go to sleep:

I can't help but smile.

OH YES I DID

If I'm going down, you're all going down with me....

It's The Great Pumpkin!

Sigh.  Isn't it the most beautiful pumpkin you ever did see?

A couple of weeks ago, I went to visit a friend (Shelley) who was housesitting for another friend(Dee & Bel).  This completely perfect pumpkin was sitting next to Dee's front door when I arrived, and O.M.G. I am fairly certain I blacked out for a second due to it's sheer great pumpkin-ness. In case I've not mentioned it previously, I have an obsession with pumpkins.  I LOVE them.  I love to hug them and thump on them to hear their hollowness and then hug them again.  They make me plain ole happy.  And this one just topped them all. I had to touch it just to see if it was real.  It was all fat and shiny and the perfect pumpkiny color, and I fell head over heels.

Imagine my complete and utter joy when Shelley emailed me a few days later and said, "They're giving you the pumpkin."  This is how the term "Squee!!!" was coined, my friends.  Are they not the most wonderful people you have ever heard of in your life?!?!  These two beautiful friends of mine are willing to give up THE GREATEST PUMPKIN! in order to bring joy to my life.  (Also, I kind of promised that I would bake them something pumpkiny delicious with it, but I'm sure that has nothing to do with why they gave it to me.  I'm sure it's the whole joy thing.  Right girls?) (Oh and I think I should point out that it was recently been noted that I have reached picture frame status in their house. PICTURE FRAME, PEOPLE!  And not even hidden in the back guest bedroom.  Front and center in the living room!  If that doesn't just scream BFF, then I don't know what does. I'm just saying.)

After Shelley delivered The Great Pumpkin (!), it sat proudly and prominently in the place of honor next to the armchair in the living room.  This way it can be seen while eating dinner or while watching tv, which is the only way to properly respect the pumpkin.  After a couple of days of hugging on it, my mom says "You know, we could just buy another pumpkin and cook with that one and just let this one sit here and be pretty."  (I love my mom.)  We deliberated and decided that it was only fair to cook The Great Pumpkin (TGP), so that he may live out his full Harvest Destiny.  I mean, this is what he was born for right?  It was decided.  TGP would be carved on Tuesday. 

And honestly, that's pretty much the end of the story. I mean, I carved it, and it took me approximately 17 years, but you probably guessed that.  Once it was all cut up into pieces ready for steaming, it was enough pumpkin to fill four large mixing bowls. FOUR!  Took me almost a week to steam and strain it all.  Gosh, I'm getting all tired just remembering how long it took.  Sometimes you just have to suffer for baked goodies (which I totally haven't even done yet.  I know!  I'm sorry! But I promise to the lovely pumpkin givers, that it is still in the freezer and I will absolutely bake you some deliciousness this weekend and probably even get it to you too.)

So anyway, that's the story of The Great Pumpkin.  Aren't you glad you waited around for like a week for me to tell you that.  You will sleep SO good tonight now, I'm telling you.  Gosh, I love pumpkins.

OH WAIT!  I forgot to tell you!  When I started pulling seeds out, there were like 3 that had started growing INSIDE THE PUMPKIN!!!  The Great Pumpkin was preggo!  (This explains the adorable roundness and lovely pumpkin glow) But for real, the seeds were sprouting leaves and had roots all growing and attaching to pumpkin walls and everything.  HOW GROSS IS THAT?!  So gross and so completely awesome.  Wait, I think I took a pic....hang on....

(I apologize for the graphic pumpkin guts.)

Isn't that just crazy?  There were 3 of them like that, and my mom planted them all so we could possibly have Great Mini-Pumpkins in the future. (!!!!)  So, okay, yeah that was my pumpkin story.  You're welcome. :)

B is for Bah!...and also Buzzkill...

Disclaimer:  The following post could be a hazardous to your positive mood.  Rantings and grumpy feelings are forecast.  You've been warned.

Today is stupid.  The past week has been just one emotional crapfest, and honestly, I would like it all to stop please.  I would like to not have to concern myself with things of a financial nature, and I would like to undo all of the dumb spending mistakes I have made in the past, oh, I don't know, ten years or so.  Why the heck couldn't I have learned these lessons right out of the gate?  Because seriously, my first car came with the hefty note of $165.90 a month, and I spent ALOT of time thinking that was just going to break the bank.  Not even close. Fortunately, I had a good friend who said "pay $20 extra a month toward principal and you'll pay it off like a year sooner."  The car crapped out completely before it was ever paid off, but thankfully, that extra $20 a month I was sending lessened the blow of being in the red on a car that could not be fixed.  I wish I had known then that I had more money than I realized and probably could've been doubling my payments avoiding this whole upside down situation in the first place.  But whatever, I'm totally getting off topic.  The point of all that rambling is basically if I had known then what I'd know now, this whole layoff would probably be a heck of a lot less agonizing.  I'm fast approaching 30, and I'm nowhere close to where I hoped I would be from a stability standpoint.  That sucks.

Thanksgiving came and went with a lot more stress and anxiety than I had anticipated.  There were some truly awesome aspects of it, such as my brother being able to be there rounding out "the four of us" like it should be.  Or getting to spend time with my mom's sister's husband's mom (grandma-in-law?).  She is one bad@ss senior is all I'm saying.  And she brought some rocking good dip.  That pretty much makes you a winner in my book.  But for some reason, with all the things to be thankful for and all the wonderful company, I was completely unsettled. Even Gracie spent every chance she got racing for the front door. My anxiety goes through the roof when I'm at that house, and I can't entirely pinpoint why.   I suspect it has to do with the whole Katrina thing, and this is the house we evacuated to and maybe all that comes out.  I don't know. 

And now I'm pup nurse to my sweet lil Gracie girl.  She had the knee surgery on Monday, and all went really well.  She came home yesterday afternoon and has been cooped up in her cozy kennel since then.  She gets bathroom breaks, and I occasionally let her out to lay next to me on the floor in my room.  There was a major cone of shame issue last night when she started spending a lot of time going after those stitches.  So at about 8:30 last night after I was showered and in my jammies, I had to go out and find a cone to keep her from messing up the incision.  I wanted a specific comfy cone so she would be able to sleep on it.  Petco fail.  Petsmart fail.  So I settled for the little inflatable donut thing.  Have you seen those?  They're pretty cool.  Anyway, got it home...too small.  GAH!  It was too late at that point to go find another one so I took my chances that she would sleep and not chew overnight.  She chewed.  So now she has this huge hematoma type thing on her knee which vet says is not normal.  So I have to take her back in to see him in the morning.  Finally found the comfy cone I was looking for today, but when I got it home, it was too big and she pulled it right off. GRRR!!!  I managed to make the inflatable one work and she looked fairly comfy in it, but she can get around it to her stitches.  Oh geez, is this some joke?!  So again, last minute trek out right before closing time to find a comfy cone size small.  I think it fits okay, but I keep watching her making sure she's breathing and that it's not too tight. But that poor pup is MISERABLE. 

I just need everything to stop.  For just a bit.  Until I can recharge.  I need to not think about money and how I'm going to support myself.  I need to not worry about getting a job.  I need my dog to be happy and healthy and not have to suffer like this.  I need to feel settled and in place and not have this weight of uncertainty on me every. single. second.  I need sleep. 

Chick's Best Friend...

So I know that you are all on the edge of your seats, waiting to hear my story of The Great Pumpkin.  It's really not that exciting of a story so you can pretty much relax about it.  But, it is a pretty amazing pumpkin so if the pictures of it will thrill you like they thrill me, then you can scootch back to the front of you seat.  The past week has been a blur of pumpkin pies and Christmas crafts with a small appearance by some Black Friday shopping.  Wow, now that I'm actually writing it, I might actually have a lot to tell you once I finally get to telling you about it.  But I can't tell you now.  My mind is preoccupied.

You guys, my lil Gracie girl had knee surgery today. *insert tragic heartbroken sad face here*  She has had luxating patellas (moving kneecaps) since she was a puppy, and 3 different docs have recommended surgery to correct it.  Well, as most of you know, pet care sure don't come cheap, so I've had to put it off over and over.  It got so bad that the poor pup could hardly run after her ball.  And trust this...that girl LOOOOVES her some ball. 

While at the dog park (which she hates. what is that about?) one day, I noticed that her leg almost looked like it was dangling, and she refused to run on it.  Okay.  That was enough.  We worked out the funding deal with the vet, and surgery was scheduled for this morning.

I dropped her off about 8:00 and thank God! my favorite vet tech was there.  She's very calm, and very good at being pet parent understanding.  She never rushes me and makes a big stink over Gracie which is what I need please.  After all, she is the cutest, sweetest dog ever.  Ever. (do not argue. you will lose.)  And Gracie has learned the art of the drama (where she got it, I'll never know) and usually FREAKS out when I leave her somewhere.  I mean FUH-REAKS out.  While travelling for T-giving, my dad held her leash so I could run in to the Ladies, and the dog lost her mind.  Bark bark bark cry cry cry shake shake cry shake bark.  Sheesh. (sidenote: it makes me feel REALLY good about myself to be adored that much by this little animal. Seriously. Self-esteem issues? Raise a puppy.) 

Anyway, today she did pretty good when Vet Tech took her.  I thought I was going to get out of there without having my heart ripped out of my chest, and as I was almost out the door, I realized I forgot to ask a question.  I turned to ask Vet Tech, and my sweet, little pup let out the longest, most pitiful whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine I have ever heard out of her.  I almost didn't realize it was her because she didn't move a muscle.  Just stared at me and whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine.  Um, ok, great, so I'll just leave my heart right here on the counter, and you just call me when I can come pick it up.  Great, thanks.  Sigh.

I talked to the office this afternoon, and Unfavorite But Still Nice Vet Tech said surgery went well, and Gracie was already up and whining.  Thank you God!  She has to spend the night there though, which I was totally okay with, up until about 8 pm-ish.  Uh, no.  No no no.  I need her here.  She cannot be sleeping in some strange place with her leg all bandaged and no ball and no me to rub her tummy and kiss her little head.  But I know it must be done, and so all I can do at this point, is continue praying for her comfort and health and heavy medication to knock her the heck out.  Actually, I think I need to pray the same thing for myself.

Get better quick little baby!

The Great Pumpkin - Teaser

A Stitch in Time...

So the other day I was in Dairy Queen with my dad, and there was this girl at the counter ordering, who was completely oblivious to the fact that her pants were split in the back. Like major split almost all the way to waistband, undies on display and everything.


Also, did I mention it was me?

Yeah. I flashed Dairy Queen. Sigh.

My favorite pair of capris had recently ripped in the derriere region, but because I got mad mending skillz yo, I figured I could just stitch it up and all would be good as new. As it turns out, I figured wrong. My dad and I had been out running errands before Dairy Queen, and each time I got in the car, I could tell the pants were ripping a bit. I just assumed it was my sewing coming undone, but because the initial tear really wasn’t all that noticeable in the first place, I didn’t think much of it. Again…wrong. Apparently, you cannot make the pants be something they are not. If you try to change the pants into what you believe they should be, their only response will be to act out in a much more dramatic fashion. Thus, leaving you arse out in the middle of a fast food restaurant.

So, you know, I hope we all learned something here.

So....um.....let's see....

You guys. I am blank. Like blank blank. I keep telling myself that I am going to keep up with this blog and post every day and whatever. But each time I come to this little white box it's like my whole brain powers down. What is that about? Because I sure think of lots of things to say when I'm driving in my car by myself.

For example: Today, I learned the proper way to open a Wendy's salt packet. I'm pretty sure I dumped like 3 things of salt on my fries solely because I was so thrilled by this new way of opening the salt. As it turns out, you don't have to tear the packet open at the top. It is apparently pre-perforated (actual word?) and you just have to snap it in half. RIGHT ALONG THE DOTTED LINE! Um, excuse me genius salt packet maker?! Why has the world not made a bigger deal of your brilliance? Because seriously? Life changed, right here.

Sidenote: How delicious are Wendy's fries? And do you dunk them in chocolate frosty like I do? Because you should be doing just that. I dare you to find something more amazing than Wendy's fries in a frosty. Double dare you. You might have an argument if you chose to throw spa massage on the table, but then I would just counter with a $3 price tag, and you would again be wrong. So that's something to think about.
End sidenote.

Point being? I'm not sure really. But the salt thing was pretty cool.

A love story...

Everyone spends their life looking for that something special. That one thing that will fill their hearts with love and their lives with meaning. Very few people are actually lucky enough to say they have found it. And of the ones who have found it, even fewer are able to say that they’ve actually been able to call it their own. This is one of life’s greatest and most elusive wonders.

I am talking, of course, about Tupperware.

Real, true, brand name Tupperware. The organizer’s dream. The baker’s heart’s desire. Never has it been so thrilling to have leftovers that need storing. We all know there is none that can compare. But Tupperware, like most things honest and pure, is not easy to come by. Tupperware can only come into your life when the stars line up and you happen to have a distributor and a full bank account at the same time. You may be lucky enough to be fixed up by a well meaning family member, who just thought you and a one touch canister would be a perfect match. Or a friend who recently purchased a FridgeSmart set and now believes it their mission to ensure everyone else is as happy as they are.

Still sadly, most will never know the joy of customized airflow. We go through life trying to pretend it doesn’t matter, and eventually, we start to believe the lies we tell ourselves: “I don’t need the real thing. That kind of freshness only happens in fairy tales. Plastic containers weren’t meant to last a lifetime.” We try to fill the void with brightly colored sets we found at Wal-Mart for $5, convincing ourselves that this set is just as good as that other stuff. Things are great for a short time, and it appears your dreams are coming true, until one morning you wake up to find that all the lids are either missing or warped from bottom rack dishwashing. Much like our hopes of containers with lifetime guarantees. We resign ourselves to the fact that it just wasn’t in our stars.

Until one morning, as we open the front door, something flutters to the ground. What is this? Gasp! A Tupperware catalog?! Can this really be happening? This is the day we’ve dreamed of since we were little girls! The Tupperware party is coming! Hope fills our hearts and we RSVP with an eager YES!

On that special day, all the guests arrive with airy hearts, ready to witness one of life’s most sacred rituals: product demonstration. As our fearless Tupperware leader demonstrates bowl after airtight bowl, the room is filled with a reverent silence (and some hysterical laughing because Heather is funny, yo). The ceremony comes to a close, and we all glance around the room, knowing we just witnessed something special. None of us will be the same. It is time to place our orders, and we all take turns vowing our eternal devotion to item x on page y. As the exchanging of payments and receipts concludes, it is official. We are the owners of Tupperware.

Till death do us part.

Post Traumatic Spider Disorder...

So I'm not scared of spiders. Never have been. I think tarantulas are cool. I admit I saw this tiny bit of Arachnophobia which messed me up pretty good for a short while, but lately all has been well.

Until this morning...

I grabbed my face wash out of the shower and right by the drain, I swear to you, was the biggest spider ever created. Looked like a hubcap. Luckily, I reacted coolly and calmly, and by coolly and calmly, I mean I screamed bloody murder. Then I got that feeling. You know the one where all your blood turns to ice and you get goosebumps all over and realize you now have to move? Yeah that one.

Okay think fast! Turn on the faucet and try not to hurl in the tub. My fast thinking and not hurling triggered his spidey sense, and he ran back down into the drain. GROSS! So I kicked the faucet on high and let it run for a long time. Washed that horror right down the drain. Still completely freaked out, but, proud of my awesome mutant spider drowning skills, I went back to cleaning the living room.

Then it hit me...That thing was one of those creepy water spiders. He was much too quick to dive back in the drain. That little effer is probably just chilling under the sink plug waiting for it to quit raining. So I snuck back in there to peek in the tub.

Dude. That thing had climbed back out of the drain and was all chilling with his crazy legs on top of the drain plug drying out. Cue "that feeling." I may or not have blacked out. I cannot be sure. I cranked the faucet up again and he just sort of flinched with his omgsocreepiness. Oh no sir. This calls for more than lame shower pressure.
I filled a pitcher in the kitchen (which is totally hard to do when you're all shaking and goosebumpy and oh so nauseous from the sci fi action) to completely wash him down the drain. HOT water! Oh yeah. Dumped it in there and he just sort of gross spider wrinkled up and was not giving up his grip on the drain plug. AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!! (Sorry if you're reading this Shell.) OMGOMGOMG!!! More pitcher water! OMG, now he's like wedged between plug and tub. (This is EXACTLY how Xanax was developed you guys.)

OMG, okay think! Dawn! Dawn cuts the grease, and I sho nuff need somebody to do some cutting! Dawn dish soap in the pitcher water, and he finally gave it up and was washed down the drain. Now, because my short term memory is heightened in this sort of trauma, I know not to be fooled by the whole oh he's gone down the drain act. I dumped at least 7 more pitchers of water down along with the running faucet. And for good measure? I used a broom to close the drain. Yeah! Take that!

So now does anybody mind if I borrow their shower? I can't open the drain in mine.

Don't be famous this week...

WOW. Rough week to be a celebrity...

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/us_obit_billy_mays

If somebody tries to put you on tv or give you a Grammy, RUN!

What title can suffice...

I found this quote on another blog I was reading...

"P.S. I think the reason salad is healthy is that midway through you get so bored you forget to eat, whereas, no one forgets when they’re eating bacon."

Word.

Top that...

So you know how you have the favorite movies and shows from when you were a kid that you thought were just so completely awesome? And now anytime someone mentions it you're all "OMG that was my fave when I was a kid! It was so great!" But technically, you haven't seen it since you were 9 so you really don't remember exactly what it was about? And then you accidentally stumble on a clip from said movie 20 years later and realize it is by far the cheesiest and most ridiculous thing you've ever seen?

I give you Teen Witch.



I'm pretty sure this is when my love of all things rap music started. Top that.

So proud...

Well, it looks like my little Gracie girl is on her way out of the puppy phase for good. Being that I myself am such a complete chicken, I have tried to make sure that Gracie isn't like one of those skittish dogs who jumps at everything. I admit I have not quite succeeded. She jumps at anything she doesn't recognize and know VERY well.

As much as I've tried to train her not to bark at every little thing, she's a pretty fierce little guard dog and will bark her head off if something isn't right. She'll bark a few times if something is going on outside the front door, like somebody leaving fliers on the door or a bunch of kids in front of the house. Today though, some not so bright flier leaver thought it would be smart to slide the flier all the way through the crack in the door. Gracie was going nuts and I thought I heard paper, but just ignored it, assuming she'd stop as soon as they were gone. She kept up. I went to see what was up and sure enough, there's a big yellow piece of paper stuck in the door on the INSIDE. That's some serious effort to get it inside. Rude, but whatever. But my little Cujo was standing underneath it staring it down and barking like that yellow paper was going to kill us all. That's my girl. She knows which doors to guard, and I love her for that.

Anyway, that's not really the point of this but still it was pretty cool. Because the weather has been absolutely perfect today and the poor pup has been stuck inside with me all weekend, I figured I'd take her out for a little change of scenery. I know she probably is as sick as the usual neighborhood walk as I am, so we went to check out this new walking trail/pond down the street. Let me tell you...this little frou frou fluffy dog? Gets rugged. There was one area of the trail that wasn't paved yet and she was all jumped and crawling through the bushes and dirt like she does it everyday. Extreme pomeranian fo sho. =]

One area of the pond is paved into the water (think boat launch), and there were a few ducks swimming around. I thought for sure as soon as she felt wet paws, she'd come running back to me. Nope. Waded right out into that water chest deep. Whaaa??? Running around like part lab. She even fell into this recessed drainage thing that she couldn't tell was recessed because of the water. I thought that would freak her out and she'd be done. Nope. Proved me wrong again. So exciting for me. She's so jumpy all the time about new stuff, so I was thrilled to see her being all fearless like this.

On the happy, prancy pom walk back to the car, we passed another area where the water comes right back up. I guess her confidence was up because she walked right up to that too. Then jumped back all startled. Walk forward two steps. Jump back. She just swam in dark cloudy water with ducks that she's never seen like a champ. So what was it that had her all scared? A duck feather. A. Duck. Feather. Sigh.

Oh well. Baby steps I guess.

Soooo tired...

Tonight was the Brad Paisley concert. It was absolutely one of the best shows I've seen. I was so impressed by him. I swear the man did not stop playing the guitar for 2 solid hours, and it completely exhausted me.

I bought my dad tickets for Christmas because, as many of you know, my dad is a rock star. A real one. In a band and everything. We stopped for some Burger King on the way downtown, adn I gotta say, I completely forgot how awesome Whoppers are. That's good stuff. We got to the arena about 5 minutes before Dierks Bentley started, which means we missed Darius Rucker. I don't know any of his stuff anyway, but I've heard he's good. But whatever, we missed him. Dierks Bentley comes out, and I just really don't get him. Everybody I know just thinks he is the hottest thing and loves his music, but it just doesn't click with me. I can think of only one or two songs of his that I really enjoyed. But he was alright.

Brad Paisley? IS THE MAN!!! And for real, if he wasn't married to that adorable Kimberly Williams who I just love like crazy, then Brad and I would be married. Tomorrow. He is just pure candy. I always forget how much I like his music until I hear it, and then it's just WOW to me. SUCH a fun concert. He had a really cool stage set up with lights all over the place, and not the typical cheesy textbook concert lighting. Probably 40 amps all stacked up to form a riser and all the amps lit up. That's cool stuff right there. Fantastic. He tore that guitar up. Or should I say those guitars. I'm pretty sure he switched out every song or two. Rock it out Brad.

As soon as we got to the car, I realized my entire body was aching. Like hard to walk aching. Then I got home and my hamstrings were all tight and my back hurt. I felt like I had been in the gym for hours. It was all from sitting there watching the show. He was so on the whole time and lights and loud and videos and screaming people and just complete sensory overload. It wasn't until we left that I realized that my entire body must've been just completely tensed the entire show. Hahaha. I was so into it, that I didn't even realize it. So I got to see a great show AND it feels like I got an intense workout. That's multi-tasking.

Our seats were awesome! Way up but in the front of the section and it was only one of those 3 seat rows so we didn't have people climbing over us all night. Perfect. No crazies all dancing in front of us either. And you guys, I just completely LOVE hanging out with my dad. He's so awesome. It really made me happy to be able to watch that with him and know that he was really enjoying the music too. Great show, great seats, great company. :)

Oh and this drunk guy totally fell down the stairs as he was dancing down them. How do you top that?

Good morning to me...

I feel the need to warn you that the following story is pretty gross, but gosh darnit, it's funny so I have to share...

Gracie is part garbage disposal. The girl will eat just about anything you put in front of her. I'm talking dog food, people food, coasters, cigarettes, lizards, your favorite (and only) pair of work shoes... She'll eat it all. For example, as I write this she is laying on floor next to me about to chow down on my fave pj pants that I left on the floor. Surprisingly enough, as random as the things are that she eats, the only thing she really can't stomach is chicken. Don't get me wrong. The girl LOOOOVES to get a piece of chicken from the table, but her poor little tummy just cannot handle it. You can always tell when Gracie has had chicken by the disaster that happens the following morning. Because she's pomeranian this means her backside is all fur and fluff. It's really cute. Unless she's had chicken. Then the evidence stays with her on all that fur and fluff. It's SO gross, I know.

Well, apparently somebody snuck her some chicken yesterday. Normally, she sleeps in my parents' room, but because I spent the night she stayed out in the living room on the couch with me. Apparently, the chicken kicked in sometime in the middle of the night, because when mom woke up, she said it was all the way down the hall into the living room and under my dad's desk. When Gracie trotted up to her, Mom said it was ALL over her backside. An absolute mess.

This is where I tell you that Gracie's favorite place to sit when someone is laying (or sleeping) on the couch is right on top of their head. Guess who was sleeping on the couch while this happened? Yup. After all the business in the hall and living room and all in her fur, my sweet little girl hopped right back up on the couch to go back to sleep. On my head.

Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase crappy morning huh?

At last...

Guess where I am?

Give up? I'm sitting on my mom's guest bed watching Biggest Loser.

But Jenny, how can you do that when the computer is in the other room?

Well, my friend, as of Sunday evening I became part of this whole technical/electronic/cyber age and got myself a sweet little laptop. Not even 48 hours later, and I am completely spoiled rotten.

I started online classes today which is really the main reason I went ahead and bought this thing, but the secret reason that I really did it? So I can sit on my couch and blog in real time about the awesomeness of tv shows. Hooray!

So Biggest Loser is on right now and I won't go into to much detail just in case some of you DVR'd it and haven't gotten a chance to see it yet. But dang. That Joelle. Whew. I would really like to kick her in the knee. She has these dead eyes, and it makes me so sad for her. She obviously has some issues she needs to work out, but her poor friend Carla is the one who is going to pay for them. Sad and completely frustrating.

Also, I would like Allison Sweeney to be my best friend please. Doesn't she just seem like the kind of person that you want to sit at a cafe and eat egg salad sandwiches with while talking about your fabulous new bag and her adorable new shoes?

Anyway, so I am going to go learn some more about the new gadget of mine. It's got the capabilities to do so many awesome things. I think I'll start with the important stuff. Like games.