Sunday, March 28, 2010

I was never here....

So this is a post about a secret that I can't really talk about because it is a surprise and in no way do the people/persons involved EVER read this blog or even know about it, but you know the one time I post something of a surprisey nature will be the ONE time people/persons will stumble across this little page right?  However, I desperately need your collective good thoughts for a mission I am on so I am going to be explain it with lots of blanks so as not to ruin the surprise for the people/persons who aren't reading this k?

Alright, so I'm looking for a _____ that is required for a ______ that is coming up in the next ______.  As long as it fits the ______  and doesn't have a ______ on it (because I HATE ____! DISLIKE!), then it'll work.  Oh, and it can't _____ more than _____. Follow?

Now, you're mission, should you choose to accept it, is to muster up all the prayers, positive thinking, and good vibrations that you can, and send them out into this giant world, particularly concentrating them towards the Goodwill down the street, if you don't mind.  And hopefully, with our combined powers of AWESOME, I will find the necessary _____ for the _____.

Thank you for your time.

**This blog will self-destruct in 30 seconds.**

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Titled Two Days Later...

Okay, well you know how trying to think of how to start these darned blog things off can sometimes be just a big pain in the rump?  Like, you're driving around and have this idea for what you're going to write about but somehow it's so random and not really as elaborate as you need it to be or whatever so a kick off sentence is nowhere to be found?  And so next thing you know you're lying in your bed with your laptop staring you in the face and you're so tired that the monitor is kind of making you blink your eyes too much because it's so bright?  And then you're sort of lecturing your brain for being so INCAPABLE OF LEARNING and not remembering to just blog during the day already instead of trying to tell a story after cerebral closing time? You know?

I have some dog park stories to tell you about, but we're going to cover that another time because of the tired (see above).  But for now, I do need to tell you guys about Walgreens and how we are no longer on speaking terms. I'm sorry to bring all my relationship troubles to the table, but some things just need to be said. I'm not sure how many of you are aware of a little thing called Easter candy.  Have you heard of it?  In some cultures it is known as "a reason for living."  Sound familiar?  Well, as I'm sure you know, there are certain yummy things that come out ONLY for the Easter season. Which, by the way, might awaken an undeniable sense of urgency in some people (me) and cause them to almost knock over an old lady in the grocery line because she was blocking the last mini bag of candy (also me). 

The past few days I've been feeling kind of crummy.  I didn't really know exactly what was causing it until this morning when I noticed my car was completely coated in the familiar yellow dust of the pollen.  Ugh.  Allergies anyone?  So after a few errands and ALOT of time at the dog park amidst some nice polleny trees and dirty, polleny dogs, I was not in fighting shape.

After doing a few things around the casa, I was sprawled out watching Tuesday night Office reruns (3 hours of The Office on TBS! I love Tuesday Office night!). At about 8 p.m., my self decided that nothing sounded better than Cadbury Mini Eggs at that moment.  Now just to be clear I'm not talking Cadbury Creme Eggs, which are the ones with the chocolate outside and creme stuff in the middle that divides families.  I'm talking the tiny little solid cadbury chocolate eggs with the delightful candy shell (not unlike m&m's, except totally unlike m&m's).

So yeah, self is all CADBURY MINI EGGS!

But I'm still polleny and dog park dusty and horizontal and I still need a shower so I told self NO! 

Then self says Oooooh ice cream! 

Me: Polleny! Dusty! Horizontal!

Self:  What put the Cadbury Mini Eggs...IN the ice cream?

Me: .......  I'll get my keys.

Right?!  How smart is my self sometimes?! (And I would like to just say, that I think we - society, as a whole - do mix enough things with ice cream.  Think about that today when your mind wanders.)

My plan was just to drive down the street to Walgreens, get the ice cream/mini eggs, and get right back home before the cranky part of me realized what just happened.  But don't you know Walgreens and it's rude ways had other plans?  Not a single Mini Egg. Anywhere. At all.  There was, however, a little sale sign that said Cadbury 2/$4.  WHAT the WHAT?  Why you gotta be all in my face like that Walgreens?  Can't you see that I'm here all heartbroken in your Reason For Living aisle, and you're going to just throw it in my face that not only is the candy gone, but it's gone because of a SALE that I missed.  That's just cold.

Now normally, I would've just gone to another store (yeah, take THAT Walgreens!), but there was only an hour and half of Tuesday Office night left, and missing any more than I had already was just not an option.  So I settled for a small pint of Mint Chocolate Chip (YUM!) and a couple of Gold Brick Eggs.  And, I mean, Gold Brick Eggs are nice and all, but I think we all know that Mini Eggs are made of hugs from baby angels, and really, how can you compare the two?  Apples to oranges.  Bricks to baby angels.  It just doesn't compute.  Sigh.

So whatever, the point is Gold Brick Eggs, when eaten in an agitated state, will make you feel like death, but Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream is always, always there for you.  That, and Walgreens is a dodo-head.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

For the Inquiring Minds....

The Mac 'n Cheese pizza is literal keeping it real mac n cheese.  Cheddar and all.  Make it just like you'd make it at home (not the Kraft stuff though...sorry) and throw it on a regular pizza crust apparently.  Life = changed.  You're welcome.

Also, it can be found in it's natural habitat for viewing/tasting parties at CiCi's Pizza. 

Go forth and be merry my friends.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Geez Louise...

It seems every time I want to tell you guys about something and work up draft #1 in my head, the next thing I know, I'm all tired and fussy and I just don't wanna go through all the typing and posting and stuff. I mean, it's hard work getting my thoughts all filed in an organized fashion and then lined up just so in the disembark area and then loosing them while trying to eloquently throw them out here for you to make sense of.  Who has that kind of energy when the whole day is said and done and all that and so on and so forth?  And on occasion when I'm just so blinky tired but my systems are not entirely ready to power down, I'll decide to read some of your lovely stories instead.  But here's what happens when I try to execute that plan of action.  You are all too lovely and funny and I find myself relaxing more and more and more as I read, and then don't you know I'm too tired to comment.  Isn't that just the saddest thing you've ever heard?  It really is, isn't it. 

Did any of that make sense?  Does it matter?  If you want the truth, the only reason I am writing this is because I really wanted to tell you about the Mac 'n' Cheese Pizza I had the other day.  Mac 'n' Cheese!  On a pizza!  Have you ever heard such nonsense in your whole life?  And I tell you this:  Best. Pizza. Ever.  I don't know why I've never thought of this before?  Why haven't you?  Why hasn't America?  I mean, you guys, this kind of awesome was beyond my scope of comprehension. I ate four whole pieces.  FOUR!  

It wasn't regular elbow macaroni though.  (Thank you to Google for helping me figure out that it was Cellentani pasta.) So cheesy cellentani pizza thrown on a pizza crust.  No sauce. No other bells or whistles.  Mac. Cheese. Pizza crust.  Amen.

And it was all pizza buffet and stuff and don't you know while we were sitting there with piece #2, this whole busload of high schoolers walk in the door.  Panic!  I ran up to the buffet and grabbed the last 2 pieces. There is no way the appetite of a high school dude is going to be able to resist the magic of the PizzaMac.  But don't worry.  I took care of it and polished off every bite of it. 

So.  There you have it.  PizzaMac = life changing.  Bet your glad I stayed awake long enough to tell you about it.  You're welcome.


Thursday, March 11, 2010


Imagine with me, if you will, your happy place.  Where your mind goes when it wants to be relieved of all the stresses of the day.  Now close your eyes for a moment.  Imagine yourself in a warm, comfortable bed.  All by yourself so no covers are being stolen.  No snoring is disrupting your slumber. No alarm clock to go off in just a few hours.  The night is yours to sleep until you're finished. Your head has found that perfect spot on the pillow which is now cradling your neck in full support of your relaxation.  The temperature in the room has found that delicate balance between hot and cold allowing you to sink into that cozy place of wonderful, restful sleep. Now, take a deep breath, and surrender yourself to this healing cocoon of serenity.

And when you think it is impossible for yourself to be sleeping any more soundly...


Guess whose stupid neighbors got a new roof today?  Guess who lives in a townhouse that is in the unit directly next door and connected to the new roof neighbors?  Guess who was so close to the roofing action that she literally could have reached out her bedroom window and stolen the stupid ladder?  Guess where early morning banging roofers falls on my Are You Freaking Kidding Me?! pet peeve list?

Y'all need to understand something very critical here.  I am not, nor will I ever be, a morning person.  It's just a biological (physiological?) fact of my life, one which I have made peace with. Add to that the fact that I am no stranger to insomnia, and, well, you've just got yourself one grumpy little chicken, mister.

Ugh, this morning was this fantastic blend of cotton and temperature and relaxation and soundness of sleep, then BAM!  The Bangers Boys report to work.  I woke up groggily thinking someone was banging on my door, but as the fog wore off, I recognized the sound.  The awful, cranky-inducing sound.  Without even picking my head off the pillow, I reached to the window and flipped one of the slats on the blinds.  There it was.  The Ladder. Noooooooooooooooooo!  And then I saw two men climbing the ladder with all kinds of supplies, and all I could think was, "Poor guys had no idea they were going to die at the hands of an unrested woman today."

Gracie even poked her little head up and looked at me all blinky-eyed like "What the....?"

I know, kiddo.  I know.

And there's not a darn thing we could do, but lay there and listen to the banging.  And the thudding.  And the nailing.  And the Spanish.  As I laid there, I thought of all the ways I could get back at the neighbors for being so rude.  But I mean, seriously, they have to get their new roof right?  It's not their fault roofing just happens to be annoying and stupid and LOUD.  And I can't get mad at the roofer dudes because they're just trying to get a paycheck.  Sigh. 

HOWEVER, that was their volume card for the year.  No more!  If at any point in the next year, I am woken up by loud noises from neighbor on the left, I am stealing their ladder.

The end.

Sunday, March 7, 2010


"We are never more discontented with others than when we are discontented with ourselves."

-Henri Frederic Amiel

Saturday, March 6, 2010

500 Days of HOT....

Alright, movie star sighting.  Here we go...

(Before I begin, I would like to say that I am aware that it has been like 100 years since I first mentioned this, meaning it has pretty much lost all it's glitz and glamour and mystery and all that, so I have already prepared myself for your disappointment. The end.)

So, last week, I met up with 3 of my cousins for a girls' night of Mexican and Margaritas at my all-time fave Mexican restaurant downtown.  For reals, they have the BEST fish tacos you could ever even imagine eating. 

Fact: Cousin Val was seriously debating whether to get the Special of the Day - Flautas or go on my recommendation and get the fish tacos.  She decided on the flautas because "they're special for a reason."  Once the fish tacos showed up, I gave her a bite of them, and her eyes got huge and she said "Don't you hate that moment when you realize you ordered the wrong thing!" Mmm hmm, sure do. Those poor flautas were special no more. Moral:  Respect the fish taco.

We're waiting for our table buzzer thing to go off, and all of a sudden, Cousins Chelsea and Austin start whispering frantically and looking towards the door.  I tried to turn around to see what was so whisper worthy, and they both shriek/whisper "NO, DON'T LOOK!"  You know, because we're in high school and stuff.  Then Chelsea says "You know that guy from 500 Days of Summer?  He just walked in."  Then I said "SHUT UP OMG I LOVE HIM HE IS SO CUTE OMG YOU ARE LYING THAT WAS LIKE THE BEST MOVIE EVER ARE YOU SERIOUS CAN I TURN AROUND NOW OMG."

Do you know who I'm talking about?  Joseph Gordon-Levitt!  I've seen a bunch of his past stuff and sure, he's cute and all, but man, 500 Days of Summer?  He was so stinking cute in that movie that it effectively created a mega crush causing me to regress at least 15 years at the sight of him.  And I will tell you this:  homeboy is even better looking in person. (Also, how stinking cute was Zooey Deschanel in that movie?  Don't you just want to be BFF with her?)

So yeah, I turne around and there he was with two other dudes talking to the hostess.  Here, I took the liberty of creating an artistic re-enactment to better help you grasp what was happening.  But really,  I just wanted to cut and paste some things.

Look how close he was to us!  I mean, we're practically holding hands!  I guess the table wait was too long for them because they went right back outside.  Which coincidentally I had to do also to "take a call" on my cellphone.  (What did we do before cellphones really?  How did people successfully follow famous people without a cell phone to pretend talk on?) 

He and the two dudes with him were standing not far off (discussing topics such as how hot that girl on the cell phone is), and I realized he is kind of standing right in front of my car!  Right when I'm working out The Plan in my head about how I have to go get something out of my car or whatever and I will just casually be like "oh hey, I loved your last movie" and then he was going to be like "wow you're hair looks really amazing short like that, can I get your number, and do you have a dress to wear to the Oscars", Aussie came out to tell me our table was ready.  Darn it all to heck!  So because I am a good friend and didn't want to keep these girls waiting any longer for dinner than they already had plus I have a raging case of Chickenitis, I aborted The Plan and went in for fish tacos.

(Which were WAY better than those flautas.)

Friday, March 5, 2010

I must not understand time....

**Note:  I know you are all on pins and needles waiting to hear about the movie star that I saw across a crowded restaurant who subsequently fell head over heels in love with me and now I will be moving to Hollywood to live happily ever after until we split up in 10 months due to irreconcilable differences.  However, to effectively tell that story, artistic renderings are needed, and I have not completed them.  So just chill.  End note.**

So I get these emails from some beauty thing.  TotalBeauty or something to that effect.  I don't know, I signed up because they promised me free samples, and I am all about samples particularly of the free variety.  (Which I have gotten by the way.)

Anyway, the most recent one I got says "How to Look Gorgeous in Five Minutes.  It IS Possible."  Ladies, I think we can all agree that this is an intriguing statement.  Because I, for one, am a lazy busy girl, and the less time I can spend on the whole "gorgeous" process, the better.  Based on the information I am given in this title, I am thinking I'm about to get some awesome tips on how to simplify right?  Like warm a spoon in the microwave while you are brushing your hair and then spin 3 times to the right and voila!  Gorgeous!

Let me just share with you their FIVE MINUTES TO GORGEOUS! steps and then we will discuss:
  1. Apply foundation.
  2. Dot on concealer (if needed).
  3. Sweep on blush.
  4. Apply shadow and liner.
  5. Swipe on mascara.
  6. Tame your brows.
  7. Apply lipstick or gloss.
  8. Carry essential touch-up items.

Right?!  I'm counting 8 steps.  EIGHT!  In under 5 minutes.  That's like 35 seconds per step.  I need to know something very important here from you, dear friends.  If you can get your foundation on - smooth and even with no lines - in under 35 seconds, I am going to need you to please please share the secret.  Because that is Olympic level qualifying action happening there.

Is it just me or isn't this a full face of makeup?  Like complete with TAME YOUR BROWS.  Seriously, what the heck are you doing to your face that will take you 10-15 minutes when you can do the whole shebang in five minutes or less? 

I think we should all try it.  In the morning, set your timer for five minutes and see how far you can get using the steps above.  Let me know how it works out.  Thanks.