Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Titled Two Days Later...

Okay, well you know how trying to think of how to start these darned blog things off can sometimes be just a big pain in the rump?  Like, you're driving around and have this idea for what you're going to write about but somehow it's so random and not really as elaborate as you need it to be or whatever so a kick off sentence is nowhere to be found?  And so next thing you know you're lying in your bed with your laptop staring you in the face and you're so tired that the monitor is kind of making you blink your eyes too much because it's so bright?  And then you're sort of lecturing your brain for being so INCAPABLE OF LEARNING and not remembering to just blog during the day already instead of trying to tell a story after cerebral closing time? You know?

I have some dog park stories to tell you about, but we're going to cover that another time because of the tired (see above).  But for now, I do need to tell you guys about Walgreens and how we are no longer on speaking terms. I'm sorry to bring all my relationship troubles to the table, but some things just need to be said. I'm not sure how many of you are aware of a little thing called Easter candy.  Have you heard of it?  In some cultures it is known as "a reason for living."  Sound familiar?  Well, as I'm sure you know, there are certain yummy things that come out ONLY for the Easter season. Which, by the way, might awaken an undeniable sense of urgency in some people (me) and cause them to almost knock over an old lady in the grocery line because she was blocking the last mini bag of candy (also me). 

The past few days I've been feeling kind of crummy.  I didn't really know exactly what was causing it until this morning when I noticed my car was completely coated in the familiar yellow dust of the pollen.  Ugh.  Allergies anyone?  So after a few errands and ALOT of time at the dog park amidst some nice polleny trees and dirty, polleny dogs, I was not in fighting shape.

After doing a few things around the casa, I was sprawled out watching Tuesday night Office reruns (3 hours of The Office on TBS! I love Tuesday Office night!). At about 8 p.m., my self decided that nothing sounded better than Cadbury Mini Eggs at that moment.  Now just to be clear I'm not talking Cadbury Creme Eggs, which are the ones with the chocolate outside and creme stuff in the middle that divides families.  I'm talking the tiny little solid cadbury chocolate eggs with the delightful candy shell (not unlike m&m's, except totally unlike m&m's).

So yeah, self is all CADBURY MINI EGGS!

But I'm still polleny and dog park dusty and horizontal and I still need a shower so I told self NO! 

Then self says Oooooh ice cream! 

Me: Polleny! Dusty! Horizontal!

Self:  What put the Cadbury Mini Eggs...IN the ice cream?

Me: .......  I'll get my keys.

Right?!  How smart is my self sometimes?! (And I would like to just say, that I think we - society, as a whole - do mix enough things with ice cream.  Think about that today when your mind wanders.)

My plan was just to drive down the street to Walgreens, get the ice cream/mini eggs, and get right back home before the cranky part of me realized what just happened.  But don't you know Walgreens and it's rude ways had other plans?  Not a single Mini Egg. Anywhere. At all.  There was, however, a little sale sign that said Cadbury 2/$4.  WHAT the WHAT?  Why you gotta be all in my face like that Walgreens?  Can't you see that I'm here all heartbroken in your Reason For Living aisle, and you're going to just throw it in my face that not only is the candy gone, but it's gone because of a SALE that I missed.  That's just cold.

Now normally, I would've just gone to another store (yeah, take THAT Walgreens!), but there was only an hour and half of Tuesday Office night left, and missing any more than I had already was just not an option.  So I settled for a small pint of Mint Chocolate Chip (YUM!) and a couple of Gold Brick Eggs.  And, I mean, Gold Brick Eggs are nice and all, but I think we all know that Mini Eggs are made of hugs from baby angels, and really, how can you compare the two?  Apples to oranges.  Bricks to baby angels.  It just doesn't compute.  Sigh.

So whatever, the point is Gold Brick Eggs, when eaten in an agitated state, will make you feel like death, but Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream is always, always there for you.  That, and Walgreens is a dodo-head.


Maureen@IslandRoar said...

Oh, and after you went to all that trouble....
I feel your pain.

Spot said...

This post was nothing but top notch hilarity!! Thank you for the giggles this morning!

My son is addicted to jelly beans, which you can also only find at Easter in the reason for living aisle. He will eat an entire bag in one sitting. Of course, he's a 16 yr old boy. So do as we do for him, and stock up when you can!!


Alicia said...

Hey Jenny,
Thanks so much for giving me the award at Kathryn's post about emails and my jajaja...hahaha. I'm glad you enjoyed my comment. If you loved that you should really visit my blog cause the wit doesn't just happen in the comment section my friend! Oh no, I got wit coming out all over the place!

And apparently so do you! Omgosh, how I laughed reading this post and you talking to Self. Self is pretty darn smart if you ask me. And I absolutely love your little saying "hugs from baby angels". I'm gonna steal that line from you. I always say when something is good, "That's so good it makes me want to slap my momma" so now I'm gonna say "That's so good it's like it was made of hugs from baby angels".

kathryn said...

This was absolutely brilliant. We're talking priceless, sweetie.

I was already laughing, but by the time you got to "I'll get my keys", I was over. the. edge.

Walgreen's, dammit! How COULD they?? Made you SUBSTITUTE. Everyone KNOWS substitution's not as good as the ORIGINAL plan!

We'll arrange a picket line in the morning...'kay?

Falltrick Family said...

I miss you already. So funny.

Lise said...

OMG. Yet another post that shows me we are actually separated at birth twins. You know how many bags of cadbury mini eggs I have already consumed this season? Only 3x my own body weight.

Here we have this thing called the dinosaur egg, which is a big hollow shell filled with mini eggs. Heaven I tell you. The baby angels are hugging and kissing by this stage. I would totally push over a granny to get to one of these babies!

I nearly cried for you at the end. Sub-par eggs. Just too distressing. I have never heard of this Gold Brick brand and that cannot be good. Im glad mint choc chip was there for you in the time of need!

sam said...

I've just started blogging (post break-up therapy) and stumbled upon your post via a friend's blog. It made me smile/frown/curse Walgreens + grannies/laugh.

Perhaps we were triplets?

Except I prob would have been too lazy to move my ass off of the couch. I would have fallen asleep, dreamed about mini eggs, and then woken up irritated with myself for not getting off my lazy ass to get the real thing. The next day I would have gone shopping with a craving (dangerous), bought every mini egg in sight plus half of the store, and then binged on mini eggs + ice-cream until I was sick...

Thanks for making me smile :)