Friday, March 5, 2010

I must not understand time....

**Note:  I know you are all on pins and needles waiting to hear about the movie star that I saw across a crowded restaurant who subsequently fell head over heels in love with me and now I will be moving to Hollywood to live happily ever after until we split up in 10 months due to irreconcilable differences.  However, to effectively tell that story, artistic renderings are needed, and I have not completed them.  So just chill.  End note.**

So I get these emails from some beauty thing.  TotalBeauty or something to that effect.  I don't know, I signed up because they promised me free samples, and I am all about samples particularly of the free variety.  (Which I have gotten by the way.)

Anyway, the most recent one I got says "How to Look Gorgeous in Five Minutes.  It IS Possible."  Ladies, I think we can all agree that this is an intriguing statement.  Because I, for one, am a lazy busy girl, and the less time I can spend on the whole "gorgeous" process, the better.  Based on the information I am given in this title, I am thinking I'm about to get some awesome tips on how to simplify right?  Like warm a spoon in the microwave while you are brushing your hair and then spin 3 times to the right and voila!  Gorgeous!

Let me just share with you their FIVE MINUTES TO GORGEOUS! steps and then we will discuss:
  1. Apply foundation.
  2. Dot on concealer (if needed).
  3. Sweep on blush.
  4. Apply shadow and liner.
  5. Swipe on mascara.
  6. Tame your brows.
  7. Apply lipstick or gloss.
  8. Carry essential touch-up items.

Right?!  I'm counting 8 steps.  EIGHT!  In under 5 minutes.  That's like 35 seconds per step.  I need to know something very important here from you, dear friends.  If you can get your foundation on - smooth and even with no lines - in under 35 seconds, I am going to need you to please please share the secret.  Because that is Olympic level qualifying action happening there.

Is it just me or isn't this a full face of makeup?  Like complete with TAME YOUR BROWS.  Seriously, what the heck are you doing to your face that will take you 10-15 minutes when you can do the whole shebang in five minutes or less? 

I think we should all try it.  In the morning, set your timer for five minutes and see how far you can get using the steps above.  Let me know how it works out.  Thanks.


Lauren said...

I think they lied... I was thinking it might be doable until it got to "tame your brows". Yeah... right. There's the whole five minutes there. *cough (if not more) cough*

JD at I Do Things said...

Thank goodness I have a lot of hair and therefore don't need even a five-minute beauty routine. Geez, it takes me five minutes to wrangle a single eyebrow hair!

Spot said...

They are probably assuming that you get your brows waxed/plucked regularly, so "tame your brows" really means just run your fingers over them.

I can actually do all this in under five minutes for normal daily use. If I'm going out and I want more eye makeup it might take ten. The secret to my foundation speed is Aquasmooth by CoverGirl. It comes in a case with a sponge and goes on smooth & even.

I'm also way older than maybe it's just a more practice time issue! Lol. Plus I had to learn to put it on with three toddlers screaming and clinging to my legs. It's a great motivator!


kathryn said...

Okay. For the sake of argument, let's pretend that I've spent 5 minutes and let's see what I look like...shall we?

Foundation is smeared on...heavy in some places...missing in it's entirety in others. Left eye has mascara top & bottom, right just made it to the top. (I've never "swept" mascara in my life, fyi)

No time for liner...just as well as it never winds up anywhere near my eye for long anyway.

I must be doing something wrong.

Alicia said...

I'm going to try this monday morning. I'll let you know how it goes.