Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Dollars and sense...

As I’ve mentioned before, I’m not big into politics. I rarely watch the news and can’t usually talk current events with anyone. However, as you may have noticed, it’s somewhat hard to miss all the economy talk. It’s everywhere. Foreclosures! Bailout! Recession! Then there’s all the finger pointing and blame. The Bush admistration! Republicans! Democrats! Britney Spears! Sure I’ve noticed things have gotten more expensive lately (dude, I found a shirt for $24.99 at Ross yesterday. Ross! Uh, NO.) and my electric bill is slowly working its way up. But it wasn’t until today that I really put some brain power into the cause of it all. Today is when I realized what is was that has caused Wall Street to come crumbling down and the economy of this great country to fall into the pit of despair. I know who is responsible for this terrible burden.


The reason? I quit shopping.

As many of you know, I ruled Retail Therapy. There was not one who could out-shop or out-bargain-hunt me. There was a day when I walked through Old Navy and honestly had every single thing in the lady clothes section (only the cute stuff of course. Old Navy can get kind of blech.). Once upon a time, I may or may not have spent $300 in one day at Victoria’s Secret (shut up. It was the semi-annual sale. You girls KNOW how much stuff I got for that amount of money.)(Plus I returned most of it later). I wore the shopaholic title proudly. It was my outlet for stress and boredom, and, although it showed my complete lack of discipline, I loved it.

Then I quit. I don’t really remember when or why (I think maybe rent had something to do with it), but I just didn’t enjoy it anymore. I got tired of “stuff” and a closet full of clothes with nothing to wear and credit card bills with no end in sight. I started giving away anything that didn’t bring me joy to anyone I could think of who would want it. It was very freeing. However, once I started doing the math, I realized that the economy started crapping out right about the time I gave up the spending. Very interesting. Who would’ve guessed that my lack of discipline and complete boredom was supporting the entire economic system? WOW!

Now because I have matured into the responsible adult that I am (ha!), I feel it is my duty to right this dire situation I’ve put us all in. I have developed what I believe to be the solution to this economic breakdown, and I fully intend on presenting this theory to the economists or congress people or whoever it is that will understand my brilliance. Are you ready? I propose that another $700 billion (or million or thousand or whatever…I’m flexible) bailout be created and given to me, and I’ll take care of it from there. You guys, can you imagine the shopping I could do with that kind of money? The economy would boom! I promise it would all be spent on you though. Or at least most of it. I have no interest in spending that kind of money on myself (although I am getting a facial and a massage. Deal with it.). Instead of giving it to these greedy CEO broker types who are spending it on company retreats at the Ritz, that bailout would be all by the people, for the people, in sickness and health, with liberty and justice for all. What do you think? Can I count on your vote?

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