Just because I don't like them, doesn't entirely mean I'm scared of ALL of them. I'm scared of ALOT of them, but not ALL. Like spiders for example. (Look, I'm sorry. I know half of you just started squealing and covering your ears and maybe even dry heaving. But it is important that we talk about it right now ok? I will pay for your therapy. You're fine.) Spiders don't usually bug me (ha! pun!) too much. As long as it can respect my personal bubble and it isn't over what normal standard spider size should be (1 mm), then we'll be alright.
Point: There has been a spider on my ceiling for the past several days. I don't even know how long it has been honestly because he has just been that nice of a roomguest. He has been waaaay over there along the edge on the ceiling and that's where he stays. He wanders of to this other corner that is a bit closer to me, but I forgive him because he's proven himself to be trustworthy.
Important sidenote: I know you're probably wondering why I'm just letting this spider roam around freely and all. I understand your point of view. But the thing is? He's on the ceiling. And I'm not ceiling height, which means I can't reach him. And I can't tell by looking at the little sucker that he's a jumper. He just is. I have a spidey sense (PUN!) about things like this. If I mess with him, the odds of him ending up ON ME are greatly increased, and well, that's just not something I'm willing to live with. So he's been here on probation.
Until right now, this very minute, real time, as it's happening, live.
He's almost directly over my bed. And people, please hear me when I say, NO! Not ok! Personal space VIOLATED!!! I mean check out how rude this guy is:
What. Do. I. Do?!?! I'm convinced he's moving closer to me. Like I haven't seen him move or anything, but I'm pretty sure he's crittering closer to me when I look away. Oh gag y'all. We were doing just fine when he was way over there on the wall where I never go (His name is Hank btw). Oooooooh, he moved. Okay. Oh man, and he's smart too! He's just enough behind the fan blades that I can't throw anything. Oh oh oh! I have one of those computer air duster thingys. I could shoot that air at him and maybe he'll fall (or jump! BARF!)
Okay, I gotta do something here. I will not sleep knowing he is over my bed watching me with all those eyes. EWWWW GAG OMG WHY DID I EVEN SAY THAT?! *HEAVE* I'm doing this. Hang tight...please don't go anywhere. I need you.
I hit him with the broom as a last resort. And, uh, well, now I don't know where he is. Remember that I told you he was awfully close to the bed? You don't think he's on my bed right? I mean, I shook out the sheets and pillows a bit and brushed my hair and changed my shirt. So surely he's not in my bed/hair right? Right. Wait, I'm right, right? You know, now that I think about it, the couch in the living room all the way at the other end of the house is pretty comfortable. Plus spiders are allergic to couches right? Yeah I'm pretty sure I read that in my imagination that one time. So I'm good.
I have good news and bad news.
The good news: I found it, him, Hank, whatever.
The bad news:
Yes, that is my cup of water.
Let's never speak of this again.