Back up off...

Okay, I am a total chick.  Which means, of course, that I don't do bugs.  At all.  Unless it's of the lady or roly poly variety.  Or a butterfly, but I mean duh, did I really need to say that?  But other than that, no, get them away from me and away from you and away from anywhere that I'm going to be ever in my life ever please and thank you.

Just because I don't like them, doesn't entirely mean I'm scared of ALL of them.  I'm scared of ALOT of them, but not ALL.  Like spiders for example.  (Look, I'm sorry.  I know half of you just started squealing and covering your ears and maybe even dry heaving.  But it is important that we talk about it right now ok?  I will pay for your therapy.  You're fine.)  Spiders don't usually bug me (ha! pun!) too much.  As long as it can respect my personal bubble and it isn't over what normal standard spider size should be (1 mm), then we'll be alright.

Point:  There has been a spider on my ceiling for the past several days.  I don't even know how long it has been honestly because he has just been that nice of a roomguest.  He has been waaaay over there along the edge on the ceiling and that's where he stays.  He wanders of to this other corner that is a bit closer to me, but I forgive him because he's proven himself to be trustworthy.

Important sidenote:  I know you're probably wondering why I'm just letting this spider roam around freely and all. I understand your point of view.  But the thing is?  He's on the ceiling.  And I'm not ceiling height, which means I can't reach him.  And I can't tell by looking at the little sucker that he's a jumper.  He just is.  I have a spidey sense (PUN!) about things like this.  If I mess with him, the odds of him ending up ON ME are greatly increased, and well, that's just not something I'm willing to live with.  So he's been here on probation.

Until right now, this very minute, real time, as it's happening, live.

He's almost directly over my bed.  And people, please hear me when I say, NO!  Not ok! Personal space VIOLATED!!!  I mean check out how rude this guy is:

What. Do. I. Do?!?!  I'm convinced he's moving closer to me.  Like I haven't seen him move or anything, but I'm pretty sure he's crittering closer to me when I look away.  Oh gag y'all.  We were doing just fine when he was way over there on the wall where I never go (His name is Hank btw).  Oooooooh, he moved.  Okay.  Oh man, and he's smart too!  He's just enough behind the fan blades that I can't throw anything.  Oh oh oh!  I have one of those computer air duster thingys.  I could shoot that air at him and maybe he'll fall (or jump! BARF!)

Okay, I gotta do something here.  I will not sleep knowing he is over my bed watching me with all those eyes.  EWWWW GAG OMG WHY DID I EVEN SAY THAT?!  *HEAVE*  I'm doing this.  Hang tight...please don't go anywhere. I need you. 

Hold please.....

Um.

You guys?

I hit him with the broom as a last resort.  And, uh, well, now I don't know where he is.  Remember that I told you he was awfully close to the bed?  You don't think he's on my bed right?  I mean, I shook out the sheets and pillows a bit and brushed my hair and changed my shirt.  So surely he's not in my bed/hair right?  Right.  Wait, I'm right, right?  You know, now that I think about it, the couch in the living room all the way at the other end of the house is pretty comfortable.  Plus spiders are allergic to couches right?  Yeah I'm pretty sure I read that in my imagination that one time.  So I'm good.

Addendum:

I have good news and bad news.

The good news:  I found it, him, Hank, whatever.

The bad news:

Yes, that is my cup of water.

Let's never speak of this again.

Dude, I don't even know...

Thank you Google images for providing the visual aid for this presentation.

Y'all.  Can we please talk about this?  Have you seen it yet? No, you haven't?  Well, let me just say RUN! Run as far from this movie as you can.  Do not look back, even when you remember Topher Grace is in it and ohmygosh, don't you just love Topher Grace?  I need you to trust me here.  And more importantly YOU need you to trust me here.

I saw it tonight, and...just...wow.  I have sooo many questions.  First of all, what the? And also huh?  And maybe some are you kidding me with this?  But most of all, I need to know WHY?  Can someone please enlighten me here?  I just need to know.  Was it just an idea thrown together over a night of one too many cocktails?  Like "Oh hey, how many Big Name Actors do you think we can get into one movie?"  I just cannot understand how so many actors who have done some pretty nice work previously, seem to have lost all ability to act like a character.  It was painful.  And loooong. Like over two hours long. (!!!)  And the chemistry?  What chemistry?  Have these people even met each other ever before filming this scene?  I just do not understand.

Now don't get me wrong. I can't discount the entire thing.  Ashton Kutcher is in it, after all.  And say what you want about him but you cannot deny the fact that he is one good looking dude.    I could watch the guy eat cereal for two hours and be just fine.  Also, Jennifer Garner. Adorable. But that's an awful lot of weight for those two pretty faces to carry around.  I can't help but feel so sorry for all the boyfriends/husbands/men in the life of the girls who you KNOW were all SQUEE! It's Valentine's Day!  Oooh honeykins, let's go see the movie! That's just straight up cold of those producers/directors/writers/whoevers to do that to these guys.

So. My recommendation to you is this.  Avoid it at the theater  Just save your $100 for the movie ticket, and wait for it on DVD.  Or even better, wait until it shows up on TBS on some random Saturday afternoon when you had no intention of getting out of your stretchy pants anyway.  That's the way to roll with movies like this.

Of course, you know I'll probably end up buying it when it hits the Wal-Mart $5 bin. 

What? 

I told you Ashton Kutcher was in it. 

Shout out to Bing on this one for representin'

Quote...

“That thing, that moment, when you kiss someone and everything around becomes hazy and the only thing in focus is you and this person and you realize that that person is the only person that you’re supposed to kiss for the rest of your life, and for one moment you get this amazing gift and you want to laugh and you want to cry because you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared that that it will go away all at the same time.”
--Drew Barrymore in Never Been Kissed

I Know Who Killed Me....

It was a potato.  A mean, angry, merciless red spud that did me in.  I will warn you that this particular story might be a little on the EWWW side, and I am sorry to share such horrible things with you, but I can't get through this alone.

Let me just say up front, to eliminate any confusion later, I love potatoes. L-O-V-E them.  Thanks to their consistent yumminess, mixed with their cheapness and ability to keep me full, they are a staple in my (often daily) diet.

So.  Last night, I wanted to make some cheese potatoes. (Boil some red potatoes, drain, butter, melt cheese slices on top, yum, trust.)  While choosing my potatoes from the Potato Bowl, I noticed one of them had this (GROSS ALERT!) black, clustery gross thing happening on it.

Me:  EWWWWW!  I think this one has eggs on it!  Or is it just foaming?

Mom:  I think it's foam.

Me:  Touch it.

She totally touched it!  Blech!  And lucky for her, it was foam, because y'all, what if it had been foamy EGGS?!  GAG!

Mom:  It's fine.  Just rinse it off.

(Ok, keep in mind that my senses were all hypersensitive from being all grossed out from the foam and all, plus mom was still in egg mode.)  I rinsed the potato and grabbed a towel to make sure the foam was all gone.  As soon as I put even the slightest pressure on that spot on the potato to dry it, my finger breaks right through the potato into it's mushy rotten spot and white, starchy potato guts came shooting out at me.  My response? Scream like a little girl, throw that potato, and RUN!  My mom's response?  Scream like a grown up and RUN!  She took off down the hall, and after I recovered from my near fatal laughing hysteria, I found her hiding in my bedroom afflicted with the very same hysteria. 

Apparently she thought a critter of some kind jumped out at me in defense of the hypothetical eggs, while I just heard that awful popping noise of the exploding potato.  Oh my gosh, it was just gross, although it's good to know where our Fight or Flight response stands.  Flight all the way.

Stop Looking at Me Swan...

I had to go downtown to run a few errands today.  Because the weather decided to be especially beautiful today, I took Gracie girl with me so we could walk around the lake while we were out.  She's a bundle of energy, but she's gotten really out of shape since her recent surgery lockdown.  So Fatty Fat Fat and I set out on the 4 mile trek, and let me tell you this:  COLD. C-O-L-D.  What the freezing is this all about?  I knew it was cool, and I came prepared with a hoodie and scarf, but dang!  Not even 20 paces and my ears were frozen.  Meanwhile, Fur Coat is trotting along beside me just happy as she can be sniffing the air like it's the first time she's ever smelled it.

I had my camera with me today with the intention of taking pics of this beautiful pair of swans that lives on the lake.  I sat on the first rocky area we came to which led down into the water.  Gracie hopped around on a few of them, then decided rocks were the scariest thing she'd ever come across and tried to go the other direction.  Uh, no go kiddo, we're sitting here and you will like it.  We did sit there.  She did not like it.  I guess this was a known feeding spot because those two swans spotted us from waaaay over there and glided right up like they had been waiting all day (I forgot to bring the bread, darnit!)  Turns out swans are a bigger threat than rocks so Gracie stepped up to protect the rocks she was afraid of.  My little warrior. 

They gracefully swam away in terror.  Or indifference.  Whatever.

Once we got around to the other side of the lake, we met up with our fancy friends again, along with a huge flock of ducks.  I sat on one of the big rocks and lifted Gracie down to the lower rocks for her to investigate.  As I'm putting her down, I hear "Hhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh."  (That's a hissing noise by the way.)  I turn around to see Mrs. Swan with her gaze locked on Gracie and her mouth all wide open HISSING!  Okay, on one hand it was completely funny because omg, a hissing swan.  But on the other hand, OMG A HISSING SWAN!  (When I was 6, I tried to feed an animal cracker to a swan just by holding it in my fingers, but instead the swan totally tried to eat ME instead and bit me.  It hurt!) 

This man jogs by with his lab and says "Hey, those swans will attack your dog.  Mine's 10 times the size of yours, and they knocked her right out of the water."  Whoa. UFC swans.  Who would have guessed?

Of course Gracie was completely oblivious to the fact that I was back fighting off ninja swans to keep them from eating her.  She has busy trying to sniff pigeons and couldn't be bothered with all that swan drama. I mean, really. Pssshhh.

Aside from battling frostbite and scorned lady swans, we had a really nice walk, and I know it was healthy for both of us to get out and about.  A 4 mile walk and a few sprints up some hills, and both of us got a really good  workout.  Mark this one down as a great day. :)

Help me internet....

I recently bought a new bag-o-socks from Wal-Mart. Six pair for $5. Score! 

Here's where I'm stuck.  They were in a resealable bag.  Wha?  Can anyone think of any reason that a person would need their SOCKS in a bag that reseals?  Because I got nothing. 

I can think of reasons why a person may want to keep them in this bag, but no reason why resealability would be necessary. 

Thoughts?

A quote...

“The only reason I don’t let you go is because you said you would always be there.
No matter how many days pass, I wait for you to come right back through that door.

If you never meant it, you shouldn’t have said it.
You may no longer always be here but your words will never leave me.”

via Boy Meets Love